1 0 0 0 w

1D1N #3

2012-01-23T23:59:00.005+08:00

The Chinese calendar with animals in sequence:

1. Chu (rat)
2. Gu (ox)
3. Hor (tiger)
4. Thor (rabbit)
5. Leng (dragon)
6. Chua (snake)
7. Beh (horse)
8. Iau (ram)
9. Kow (monkey)
10. Keh (rooster)
11. Kau (dog)
12. Tu boh (pig)

1D1N #2

2012-01-22T15:26:00.007+08:00

#2.1 The famous ais kacang stall in Penang is at Jalan Keng Kwee.

#2.2 What can we be sure on in a world that is ever-changing? Fix your eyes on things that do not change. God's presence, God's word, God's mission. (Joshua 1:1-9)

#2.3 The old man in 'Up' is Carl Fredriksen.

1D1N #1

2012-01-22T00:41:00.006+08:00

#1.1 Chingay in Hokkien means 'true art'. A Chingay bamboo pole is typically about 10 meters high; weighs 8-10kg.

#1.2 When slicing samchan bak, have the skin face you. - Mummy

Introduction to One Day, One Note

2012-01-21T23:47:00.010+08:00

I'll try something here:

I'll post a lesson learned here, *every day. It could be something I've read, heard, tried and learned, or quite simply something I'd want to remember at a later time; not limited to life-changing revelations, random stuff permitted, can be more than one per day. The point here would be to lock lessons down by documenting them quickly without the frills of detailed blogging for convenient referencing whenever, wherever. In other words, I just nicely set my own requirements to nothing more than one-liners for the next year.

One Day, One Note will be shortened to 1D1N from this day forward. Alrighttt, let's get this party started.

*heh.

Words, They Don't Come Out Right

2011-12-31T02:21:00.011+08:00

I said the darndest thing today. I say the darndest things. And these darn things come and haunt me before I sleep at night. "Maybe you have to stop being so conscious." Maybe I'll have to do just that to medicate the tongue slips. Lose all to gain some. Yeah, I think I feel a ~~new year~~ life-long resolution forming.

Message On A Mug

2011-12-27T02:54:00.004+08:00

Say it with flow-ers.

Ferris Wheel

2011-10-22T00:45:00.006+08:00

Hands and feet.
There's honesty, good taste and rhythm.

'Ferris Wheel' by Calvin Locke.

That Big Apple

2011-10-20T00:38:00.011+08:00

8-11 Sept '11

Rothko harmony

Signac under my nose

Blackbird

Aqua seafoam / red

2011-09-26T00:57:00.005+08:00

Jil Sander, S/S 2012
When pastel meets primary on seen before tailored silhouettes, it is very likely to be a study of the 50's; more so if you see a Stepford coiffure tucked neatly under a pillbox hat.

Oceanship

2011-09-25T00:44:00.003+08:00

2011-09-20T01:11:00.004+08:00

What.do I do?

Resort 2012 side effects

2011-08-23T17:57:00.016+08:00

Stella McCartney

Stella McCartney

Antonio Berardi

Erdem

Zac Posen

Juan Carlos Orbando

Giorgio Armani

J. Mendel

Nina Ricci

Alexander McQueen

Giles

Ter et Bantine

Kevork Kiledjian

Everybody reads the same story differently

2011-08-19T23:06:00.008+08:00

The last time I bought a highlighter was when I was in highschool cramming for a history test. And that is usually how the average highlighter ad goes - student in exam mode scores thanks to magical multi-colored highlighter in hand.
Here's a better take on highlighter ads by Ofixpres that made it to the Cannes Lion 2011 ad award listings. The campaign titled 'Everybody reads the same story differently' features illustrations from three popular classic novels with different sections highlighted out by a hodgepodge of different readers: the tribe chief, the communist, the voyeur, Antonio Banderas and a flock of others. Click the images to find out who highlighted what!

Don Quijote

Le Petit Prince

Moby Dick

What Happened on the 9th of July

2011-07-13T15:05:00.029+08:00

Here's an account of my experience at the recent Bersih rally according to pictures I took that day. This is the same story I first posted on my Facebook album. I texted my sister whenever I could to keep her updated and to keep a record of where I was, when, and what happened along the way. The captions in quotation marks were the actual texts I sent my sister (with some minor spelling and punctuation corrections).

Read more about Bersih here http://bersih.org/?page_id=4111. Know that it's about standing up against flawed systems and corruption, and know that our leaders are calling it a minority against majority, party-vs-party game. I didn't know that good principles and listening to your people were things that had to be attached to a certain party before it becomes legitimate.

Imagine - 50,000 people on the streets calling out 'Bersihkan piliharaya' and all the leader of Msia can say is that it's an "..illegal rally planned by a section of our community.. If there are people who want to hold the illegal rally, there are even more who are against their plan"? If small numbers don't count for something to our prime minister, think about the minority and marginalized in the country - do they even matter to those who are supposed to care for their welfare? Are we only allowed to agree and never disagree?

I used to take a backseat from 'politics' because I couldn't see concrete solutions nor did I think I could make a significant difference. But taking a backseat also means being indifferent to things that are clearly wrong, and that is a tragedy and honestly selfish. There should be no divide between those who are in power to rule and its citizens under their rule - as long as you're a Malaysian, you're already part of the good/bad system, you're already involved. I can't pray for change, and listen to horror stories and not vote. I can't be a citizen who calls Malaysia home, who is a product of its education system, who enjoys subsidies, and is a business owner and not care. I must care. We must care for a change.

Picture 1

10:54am - "In a coffeeshop near Central Market. Everyone eating here's prolly going for walk. Didn't get off at KL sentral coz cops checking bags. Roads quiet coz closed; police and trucks everywhere."

Nine of us made our way to this coffeeshop down the road from Central Market. Most of us took the LRT from PJ to Pasar Seni after we received news that it wasn't a good idea to alight at KL Sentral. We arrived at Pasar Seni at around 10am. There was a group of policemen at the station's exit, along the pathway we had to go past. When I saw them from the corner of my eye, watching us (one stepped out of his position to have a closer look), I was suddenly very interested in the wonderful things around me - the tacky hair accessory stall, the mexican buns on the bakery shelves, the graffiti along the monsoon drain. We all walked through.

The FRU was stationed next to Central Market, with about three police trucks along the road. It was like a ghost-town. I've never seen it like this in town before, and on a Saturday. A traffic policewoman nicely directed us to cross the road. We sat in the coffeeshop for 2.5 hours, waiting to start walking with everyone else in that area.

Picture 2

Outside the coffeeshop, looking out towards Central Market.

Picture 3

12:27pm - "We're standing by to start walking down the road from Central Market. FRU and police trucks surround CM entrance. Walking now."
Outside Kota Raya.

Picture 4

12:36pm - "We're waiting to move from Petaling Street. Here's what it looks like down the road."

There were many people in Chinatown itself, waiting to move together. All the stalls were closed but some of the convenience stores were open. We saw a big crowd coming towards us on the opposite side of the road, and there was some confusion on whether we should join them or stay put when they started signaling over to us to go across. We decided to stay on our side of the road. I saw a familiar face in front of me, and lo and behold, it was my senior from highschool! She was with another schoolmate from Penang - I was really happy to see CGL faces in the crowd.

Picture 5

Another picture I took from the Chinatown arch overlooking Jalan Tun Tan Cheng Lock. Some people went over to walk with that group, others just took pictures and waved hello.

Picture 6

12:55pm - "Marching from Chinatown to stadium."

We started walking. A few steps off the curb and we began cheering and clapping. I think the first thing we chanted was "Bersih, bersih!" I looked around and there were lots of people. Lots. Someone shouted "Hidup, hidup! Hidup rakyat!", and that became the second thing I learned to chant that day.

Everyone around me was the average joe. Straight from their houses and onto the streets. Maybe some came from their shift at work looking at the ones in formal shirts and those two in McDonald uniforms. Young and old, from different races, all walking in one direction at the same pace. We were all in this together from this point on. No turning back.

Picture 7

We took a right from the main road, to Jalan Sultan. This was a pretty narrow road for so many people but none of us were pushed around. Nobody had to say "Oi, oi!" We passed by budget hotels with tourists taking pictures at us, and we waved at the people looking down from the balconies. The shop owners came out to spectate and waved back.

Just uploaded a short video of what it was like on this stretch of road:

Video on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150306579235042&comments

Picture 8

Clapping down the streets, cheering on. Everyone was in good spirits!

We were sort of stuck in this street for a good 40 minutes or so, walking back and forth because there was no suitable exit. At one point, some other marchers emerged from a back alley and joined the group. They were led by a group of Sarawakians, carrying their state flag. Everyone started cheering and clapping for them because a couple of them were in Iban costumes - complete with the feather headgears! I was moved and wished I had a Penang flag to wave.

Picture 9

After going back and forth in Jalan Sultan, we finally exited the same way we entered, and crossed the road and assembled in front of Menara Maybank. Someone was making announcements about a leader being arrested, and we were all asked to put on our yellow things. There were tonnes of people.

MYTH reported in The Star: "Commenting on the rally, IGP Tan Sri Ismail Omar said as a result of steps police had in place only about 6,000 managed to gather unlike the crowds seen in the 2007 Bersih rally."http://bit.ly/qQYJ8Q

Okay my phone's screen is only a couple of inches wide but the streets were overflowing with people. There were still people emerging from the roads surrounding this intersection to join the assembly, for the next 10-15 minutes we were here. To think that there were so many other groups gathering elsewhere besides the one here ie at KTM, Dataran Merdeka, the stadium, KL Sentral, etc, it would have been IMPOSSIBLE to obtain such a low headcount unless your banci skills are very, very Poor.

If the authorities can boldly say that there were only 6,000 when there were at leastttt 30-50,000 people marching all around KL that day, can you imagine how they total up the votes during the elections? Food for thought.

Just added a video mostly of the crowd, front and center.

Video on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150306606255042

Picture 10

1:55pm - "Fired tear gas and water. We're fine."

I didn't really hear a warning bell go off from the FRU. Everyone started running and a few of us ran towards Pudu Raya across the road (where I took this picture). We went behind a pillar and we were signaled by some to gather back in front again. So we crossed the road again, after coming out from shelter. We weren't going to start a battle with the cops, that was not the point of going back out - we stood and watched for a minute or two.

Suddenly the FRU fired canisters of tear gas at our direction. We ran back into the alley between the Plaza Rakyat walkway and Pudu Raya. As we were running, the helicopter was no longer up in the sky but right above us. I remember thinking 'What-why?" We ducked. It was loud, things on the ground lifted off and swirled around us - I've never come across a chopper flying this low in the city before in my entire life. I thought Black Hawk Down. I was afraid they'd aim something at me from above and I would be wounded. The helicopter was a human operated fan, spreading the teargas with its propellers so we weren't spared even if we were running further away from the source. I was angry they would do such a thing.

At the end of the alley, we splashed water on ourselves and tried to cope with the stinging of our eyes, mouth and throat. Many people had bloodshot, teary eyes, their mouths parched, faces reddened. A few couldn't breathe and had to be assisted. Everyone who had salt in their hands offered it around. The bus drivers sprayed water upwards from the basement so people could wash their hands and faces. "Ok, ok, jangan panik. Perlahan saja," someone said to a young man having breathing difficulties on the floor.

I couldn't believe this was happening, it was like one of my highspeed chase type nightmares. But not a single person there cursed or shouted back at the police.

Picture 11

Opposite Tung Shin Hospital. Notice the smoke on the left of the picture. This was taken after the FRU fired tear gas at the direction of the maternity hospital.

Here's what happened before this picture was taken:

2:28pm - "Raining. We're walking back and forth on stretch of road coz of FRU blockage. We're gonna sit down now."

We walked out of the alley onto the road onto Jalan Pudu. There was already a large crowd there, and we stopped to wait for more to join us. Three of us were united with our group of friends and we waited to walk on. I bumped into a junior from CGL and hugged her. It started drizzling and I put on my raincoat. I typed the SMS above, squatting on the road when we were signaled to sit down. I thought it was a good way of showing that we really came in peace and were no threat. We passed the message along to those behind us by signaling with our hands and saying 'Duduk, duduk." You might have seen pictures of protestors sitting down, in front of the police - this was when that happened. (http://aje.me/ncl1sr - Picture #7).

There were sudden explosions - I had no idea they were firing canisters because I didn't hear the bell, and I didn't see heavy smoke in the sky. "What's happening? What's that sound?" I thought they might've actually fired guns at the people sitting down, but nobody was screaming, it was too calm for that. Some stood up to have a look and then realized it was tear gas again. We turned and walked away fast. "Jalan perlahan-lahan saja, jangan panik." "Slow, slow." Again, tonnes of people everywhere, all trying to get away in the rain - perfect scenario for a bad stampede, but everyone was so crazily courteous. I would say it was like miracle, a side of Malaysia I seldom see. I can't even compare it to people getting on and off trains during peak hours because there was no shoving, no rude cutting.

Three of us walked up some stairs to a road parallel to Jalan Pudu. It started raining heavily and my eyes and throat were stinging more than before. A toothy older man came to offer us some salt in his palm. When he opened his hand, rain pelted on the large, course grains. I could count the leftovers he had, but he insisted we took it anyways and told us how it would help in Cantonese.

People looked upwards and washed their faces in the rain - I knew God was with us. It was a powerful scene. We ended up nearer to the hospital, and ran across the road, where I took this picture. We were sloshing through water and over rectangular drain covers overflowing with rainwater. Someone shouted "Lubang! Lubang!" There was one that was gaping open, with streams of brown water gushing in. "Lubang! Lubang!" we pointed and passed the message on.

2:47pm - "Walking away from Tung Shin hospital. They fired gas at the hospital here where people are taking cover."

Picture 12

We then exited that small road, and ran into the Tung Shin Hospital grounds.

2:51pm - "Taking cover at the hospital grounds. Malays are praying in the carpark."

We heard that it wasn't safe to stay long because there was no guarantee they would not gas the hospital if they didn't spare the maternity ward. So we exited the carpark when some people stepped up and began directing/ushering people out of the hospital. This was when I took this picture.

MYTH: Tung Shin was not hit by water cannons or gassed.
Myth busted: Watch these videos of canisters in the compound http://bit.ly/qnr6Fn and this http://bit.ly/oqzd4g.

I quote a lady who alerted us on the streets saying, "They don't care about us. They just fired at the maternity ward. This is how they treat us. This is your government." More food for thought.

Picture 13

The police, advancing forwards, closer to the hospital.

Picture 14

3.39pm - "Walked along Jalan Sultan Ismail, heading towards stadium. Passing Dang Wangi station. People cheering along wherever we walk."

From the hospital, we walked through Jalan Raja Chulan, and out along Jalan Sultan Ismail. We couldn't make it past the Dang Wangi station for some reason so we walked towards KLCC instead. We continued to chant "Bersih, bersih! Bersih(kan) pilihanraya!" as we have been for the past 3.5 hours. We also sang the national anthem a couple of times. We were still up for it but we were also getting exhausted, wet, thirsty and hungry.

Picture 15

3:57pm - "The mega crowd is heading towards KLCC coz our path is blocked to stadium. We're outside Renaissance Hotel, waiting for our group to meet somewhere."

They just wouldn't stop coming. Streams of thousands of people emerging from 'nowhere'. No wonder we couldn't get past Dang Wangi, we didn't know there were others joining us from the other end. I couldn't believe my eyes and goosebumps. It was like the most grand national parade I've ever seen in my 26 years in the country - young children, mothers, fathers, grandfathers, grandmothers. And they all looked so familiar. They were like you and I. Your boss, your bus driver, your roti canai man, your bank teller, your schoolteacher, your mechanic.. every typical Malaysian.

It was not just a bunch of people who wanted to be brave and rally in yellow, but individuals who chose to come together to participate in something bigger than their own fears for tomorrow, bigger than themselves, because it simply and truly mattered to them. It really matters. I've never felt this way about my country before. Yes, I love Malaysia, but prior to the events that happened last Saturday, I've never truly seen or experienced this kind of level of belonging, pride and mutual respect for my nation's people before. Finally, the truth was out that day. We ARE really a *masyarakat of berbilang kaum yang berbudi bahasa dan tinggal dengan aman dan harmoni. There was no division among us. It was like we came together and forgave each other for living with years of prejudice and stereotype against our brothers and sisters.

So, personally for me, I don't understand what this means: "Street demonstrations must not be made a part of the Malaysian culture," the Prime Minister said. "The people should not have to live in chaos and uncertainty," Datuk Seri Najib Tun Razak said. “We are peace-loving citizens and we want to live in a nation that has a bright future,” he added (taken from the Star http://bit.ly/pCB3p0).

Chaos? What chaos? Yes, we're peace-loving citizens which was why it was a peaceful protest for a bright future until your armed forces fired tear gas at us. And what is this Malaysian culture you're talking about, Datuk Seri? Do you mean a culture that is suppressed and must remain silent, that we should never protest against anything that's unjust and ask for something like fair elections? A culture that is passive and indifferent to dirty politics and corruption?

Picture 16

4:12pm - "YES. Heartless, uncivilised. We were sitting in the rain and they fired. Whole assembly at KLCC intersection now."

That was my reply to a text my sister sent when she said she saw a live video of the police attacks. And so I do not agree with this statement, because I experienced it firsthand: The Council of Former Elected Representatives (Mubarak) president Datuk Seri Abdul Aziz Abdul Rahman praised the professionalism of the police in handling the rally. “Their professionalism in handling the illegal rally had prevented the incident from jeopardising national stability,” he said.

Watch a short video I took here:

Video on Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150306628575042&comments
We heard that the memorandum was successfully handed to the king, but we found out later that the news we received was not true.

The last meeting point of the rally, at the intersection in front of KLCC. I was glad that we made it and chose to gather at the commercial hub of the city, at the foot of the country's most celebrated landmark, with the huge 'Daulat Tuanku' sign in front of us. A police chopper flew overhead. After this video was taken, my friends and I headed towards Avenue K to exit to KLCC through the subway, just before the FRU dispersed the crowd by force.

Picture 17

After I took this picture, we headed towards Avenue K. A short while after that, the FRU came to gas the crowd.

4:32pm - "We're in KLCC mall now. End of march. The rest of group still near the hospital but safe in a building. So encouraged by Malaysians today!"

4:48pm - "They fired tear gas where we congregated at KLCC just now. But 3 of us already walked away before that so we got a big headstart. They closed KLCC entrances so it's either leave or stay."

*A sad thing happened here as well - Baharuddin Ahmad, a husband and marcher passed away. It was reported in the local newspapers that he died of a heartattack but many believe that he died of suffocation from the fumes.

I had my first GCB and we all enjoyed a happy reunion after our group of friends arrived safely at the KLCC foodcourt. We shared stories over plates of food (now that's Malaysian culture). We left at around 7pm when the train station was back in service. When we arrived in PJ, there were two trucks of cops and a group of them barricaded an area with their shields. They were still on guard at 7.45pm. For everyone, it was a long day. For many, it was a start of something very true, significant and unbreakable.

-------------

*Bersih literally means 'clean' in Malay, the national language
*Pilihanraya - Elections
*CGL - Convent Green Lane
*Rakyat - Citizens/people of a country
*FRU - Federal Reserve Unit, a special response team mainly deployed during cases of public unrest (riots, illegal assemblies)
*Jangan panik, perlahan saja" - "Don't panic. (Just breathe) slowly."
*"Duduk! Duduk!" - "Sit down! Sit down!"
*" Lubang! Lubang!" - "Hole! Hole!"
*'masyarakat of berbilang kaum yang berbudi bahasa dan tinggal dengan aman dan harmoni' (a common phrase in Malay) - A multi-ethnic people who are courteous and well-mannered, living together in peace and harmony
*Daulat Tuanku - Long live the King
*GCB - McDonald's Grilled Chicken Burger

-------------

Read about what my friends had to say about their own experiences at the Bersih rally. The two I was with the whole time, after we got separated from our other friends, were:

Sian Huey, who is also my business partner at Ode to Liberty, and Simon, who was the appointed scout between the three of us.

Other friends:
Daniel, a lawyer - he was interviewed by Channel News Asia
Desmond, a churchworker at my church. He was supposed to be with the three of us but was separated almost all the way.

Walking together

2011-06-13T23:44:00.004+08:00

Red, white and blue, oh the funniest things you do

2011-05-01T00:29:00.012+08:00

Some neglected images from my dusty desktop that deserve more attention.. coincidentally, they seem to have similar color schemes.

Backstage at Kriss Van Assche.

Freja Beha's 'redemption'.

I am very fond of this work space.

Thakoon pre-fall 2011.

I really, really like this.

Lanvin bow ties.

I am now striking this pose trying to think of the editorial this image was from.

Haha!

Snacking on some jimmies

2011-03-21T01:09:00.008+08:00

On quite serious loop de loop. Love the gentleness of the song and how the bridge sticks out like an angry protest then settles back down for the song to fall and end softly.

Unplugged studio edits of two JEW songs - simple, straight to the point.

10 more days to the concert!

Man's Folly, Man's Wickedness; His Wrath, His Kindness

2011-03-06T14:26:00.009+08:00

¹⁶ For I am not ashamed of this Good News about Christ. It is the power of God at work, saving everyone who believes—the Jew first and also the Gentile. ¹⁷ This Good News tells us how God makes us right in his sight. This is accomplished from start to finish by faith. As the Scriptures say, “It is through faith that a righteous person has life.”

¹⁸ But God shows his anger from heaven against all sinful, wicked people who suppress the truth by their wickedness. ¹⁹ They know the truth about God because he has made it obvious to them. ²⁰ For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.

²¹ Yes, they knew God, but they wouldn’t worship him as God or even give him thanks. And they began to think up foolish ideas of what God was like. As a result, their minds became dark and confused. ²² Claiming to be wise, they instead became utter fools. ²³ And instead of worshiping the glorious, ever-living God, they worshiped idols made to look like mere people and birds and animals and reptiles.

²⁴ So God abandoned them to do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies. ²⁵ They traded the truth about God for a lie. So they worshiped and served the things God created instead of the Creator himself, who is worthy of eternal praise! Amen. ²⁶ That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. ²⁷ And the men, instead of having normal sexual relations with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men, and as a result of this sin, they suffered within themselves the penalty they deserved.

²⁸ Since they thought it foolish to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their foolish thinking and let them do things that should never be done. ²⁹ Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, quarreling, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. ³⁰ They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They invent new ways of sinning, and they disobey their parents. ³¹ They refuse to understand, break their promises, are heartless, and have no mercy. ³² They know God’s justice requires that those who do these things deserve to die, yet they do them anyway. Worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too.

¹ You may think you can condemn such people, but you are just as bad, and you have no excuse! When you say they are wicked and should be punished, you are condemning yourself, for you who judge others do these very same things. ² And we know that God, in his justice, will punish anyone who does such things. ³Since you judge others for doing these things, why do you think you can avoid God’s judgment when you do the same things? ⁴ Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin?

⁵ But because you are stubborn and refuse to turn from your sin, you are storing up terrible punishment for yourself. For a day of anger is coming, when God’s righteous judgment will be revealed. ⁶ He will judge everyone according to what they have done. ⁷ He will give eternal life to those who keep on doing good, seeking after the glory and honor and immortality that God offers. ⁸ But he will pour out his anger and wrath on those who live for themselves, who refuse to obey the truth and instead live lives of wickedness. ⁹ There will be trouble and calamity for everyone who keeps on doing what is evil—for the Jew first and also for the Gentile. ¹⁰ But there will be glory and honor and peace from God for all who do good—for the Jew first and also for the Gentile. ¹¹ For God does not show favoritism.

¹² When the Gentiles sin, they will be destroyed, even though they never had God’s written law. And the Jews, who do have God’s law, will be judged by that law when they fail to obey it. ¹³ For merely listening to the law doesn’t make us right with God. It is obeying the law that makes us right in his sight. ¹⁴ Even Gentiles, who do not have God’s written law, show that they know his law when they instinctively obey it, even without having heard it. ¹⁵ They demonstrate that God’s law is written in their hearts, for their own conscience and thoughts either accuse them or tell them they are doing right. ¹⁶ And this is the message I proclaim—that the day is coming when God, through Christ Jesus, will judge everyone’s secret life.

Romans 1:16-32; 2:1-16

Retro Paris apartment

2011-02-24T01:15:00.005+08:00

The floor, the colors, that seventies mood.

December 15, 2010

2010-12-15T02:09:00.016+08:00

Another night of rolling around in bed thinking about a jumble of things, not getting any sleep done! :/

---

It has almost been a month since my sister got married. It's still a little bizarre when I think about it. In my mind, we're still in our pajamas, fighting for bed space, chatting and laughing into the night and then pretending to be asleep when my dad peeps through the door (it was floor-to-ceiling mosquito net so everything was transparent and sadly it was not very sound proof). In my mind, I'm still hating her guts and being the tell-tale but I'm also secretly observing and shadowing her for music and some very hip 1990's style tips involving baggy pants and mannish sneakers. We're still hating our piano lessons, waking up to a flooded house, looking for our rascal of a dog all over the neighborhood and she's still saying 'next year' when I'm lonely and in need of a Monopoly playmate.

And in my mind now, things are still pretty much the same. The best and worst parts of growing up are still stored in that same part of me and reflected through that other part of me - her. In reality, things have definitely changed since I moved away from home close to seven years ago (eekthecat), and even more so now with her leaving home and making her own. It's either I'm in a major denial dilemma about things or I've come to a realization that it's always going to be this way. I'll always have us stored 'in my mind', the way we were when I was young and short, and she was four years ahead of me in wisdom, stature and everything else a little twat could boo about. And those chunks of memories will stay with me when I'm back home next and she's not there, when we can't talk on the phone as often anymore, when she's pregnant with her first child, when that child grows up and I turn into an un-hip aunt, and when our parents get really old.

At some point (a little like now) I will wonder when it was that time overtook us with such speed, and how everything we've been through together as sisters and a family, felt like it happened just a couple of days ago. Still bizarre. But I couldn't be happier for her, Kelvyn and our families. I mean, we never talked about boys at home.. only at night behind a mosquito screen. Boys were a banned species.

Have we all come a long way. I wouldn't change a thing about it and I think I could get used to this change.

A wonderful picture of my mom and my sister. I think she was 3, before I invaded her life.

1989 - My sister, me and my mom after a wedding dinner. We came home and I pretended to be the bride or bridesmaid - singing the wedding march, holding that bouquet. After settling down, my dad snapped this picture.

2010 - Here we are again, the real thing this time.

Okay I have to get up in less than 5 hours. Doomed.

We Love the Internet

2010-09-15T16:42:00.030+08:00

ODE TO LIBERTY is now online!

Sian Huey and I along with a very patient webmaster and graphic designer have joined forces (and are still doing so, every day) to bring new life to the fashion industry in Malaysia. Ode to Liberty is an online fashion and lifestyle magazine, featuring and selling fashion-forward clothing and accessories from designers based in Malaysia and the Asia Pacific region.

We appreciate craftsmanship: fashion as a form of art,
and integrity: sharing with you stories about ordinary people doing extraordinary things.
Fashion needs a conscience.

Since our soft-launch a month ago, we've released fashion columns and spreads, interviewed notable faces in the fashion and media arena, met very talented designers, and had our first radio interview this morning with BFM (Malaysia's Business Radio Station)! Not too shabby :) We're working on the SHOP section, so you can buy anything and everything you see from the website!

Log on to our website to subscribe to the mailing list at the bottom of the page.
Join us on Facebook and follow us on Twitter! We're constantly updating our blog, so follow that too!

A little about the word ode (pronounced 'oad' as in toad) - an ode is a lyrical poem written to a person or thing, much like a tribute. For us, Ode to Liberty is our way of paying tribute to designers, trailblazers and you, the reader and consumer.

A Few of Poipet & Siem Reap in August

2010-08-28T00:34:00.015+08:00

Chanda!

Malaki and Samnang (Chanda's younger brother) at lunch. Samnang was so sleepy he almost fell backwards.

Our clothes line overlooking paddy fields.

Girl at the market downtown in Poipet.

'Apsara' dancers entering Angkor Wat, Siem Reap.

And here they are again.

Cambodia is missed!

A Beautiful Day

2010-07-26T02:35:00.003+08:00

There is a time for serious but always time for funny.
Congratulations dear Josh & Huey :)

Oh So This Is How You Embed A Video

2010-07-17T02:07:00.025+08:00

My most recent cd purchase is an album called In the Midst of This by the band Expatriate.
It's nice to discover new bands every now and then.. Here is an acoustic arrangement for 'Daniel', a song they covered, originally by Bat For Lashes. Listen and you shall like it too :)

Something about Expatriate I really like, which has nothing to do with their music, which I.. also like.. is their logo and album art. Absolutely loving the colors and how simple/dynamic they are!

Crazy nice.

Shu & I @ Tioman 11-13 June

2010-06-18T22:57:00.005+08:00

Original colors guaranteed.

Two++ Tips From A Disney Imagineer

2010-05-09T01:10:00.015+08:00

The fact that I'm copying this entirely from my The Imagineering Way book, is a sure giveaway that I'm still learning a thing or two on..

How To Be Creative.

There are two ways to be creative:
1) Listen to everyone.
2) Don't listen to anyone.
Either way works. The point is, everything works if you expect it to. Take off your shoes. Wash your hair. Take a walk. Stay still. Keep moving. Talk. Stay silent. These techniques all work to initiate the creative process. Here are some others:

The magic 8-ball method. Grab your head and shake vigorously - then wait for an idea to float to the surface. Whatever comes into your head, say it out loud. If people laugh, they're probably just jealous.

Hang around creative people. This worked for Hemingway in Paris. It will work for you.

Hang around dull people. By comparison, you'll seem really clever. And you will eventually become so bored, your mind will shift into high gear. The ideas will just flow.

The process of elimination. Sometimes your best thoughts come to you in private. In the... you know. Be prepared to write your ideas down, wherever you are.

As a wise man once told me, "If you're going to be a success, you have to learn that simple, two-syllable word: 'dis-pline'." Okay, so he wasn't exactly wise, and you don't really need discipline to be creative. But the point is, I remembered what he said. And whenever I need a laugh, I remember him. Sometimes a laugh is all you need to break the creative logjam.

You already know how to be creative. You just need "enthusiasm" (four syllables) and "faith" (one syllable). Get excited, then rely on your abilities. I firmly believe that the answer to any problem already exists. If you don't find it, it will find you. But don't listen to me. Are you listening? You're not? Good. Listen to yourself.

- Michael Sprout (Senior Concept Writer, Creative Development)

You & Me & Matters That Matter

2010-04-01T02:00:00.014+08:00

Everything is so frivolous when you start thinking about it being contained in the wider scheme of things. Oh no, I'm still talking about the same thing through 3-4 posts but thankfully with pictures in between to distract... My favorite word nowadays: Yikes.

It matters how I feel about it.

It doesn't matter how bad I think it is.

It matters to know how far I'd go, how hard I'd work.

It matters little if in the end, it doesn't actually work.

You know?

But at least it matters to you what I say, feel and do. It matters to me what you think of it. And I guess that's enough for me to know that it all adds up to something. Something worth getting goofily excited or terribly torn about; something to go out of my way for, something to fill my memories with, something to write, sing, and dance about; something to have me say, "ah, so this was your doing after all".

Hmm. You know, that's probably what it's all about. You.

Vionnet - Spring 2010

2010-03-15T02:44:00.016+08:00

This might be turning into a Vionnet appreciation blog, but it's okay! Read the review, view the collection here.

It's a bit like a dream come true looking at Vionnet collections this few seasons because for some weird but good reason, it feels as though I've been waiting since the dawn of my 'artsy days' to see the exact same colors, fabrics and cuts used like that. If I were still starry-eyed in design school I would say, "This is exactly my kinda thing.. I love you Rodolfo, I want to be like you!".. Kinda like now too, teehee but way more realistic.

Ode to Liberty

2010-02-21T23:26:00.009+08:00

This year is going to be a very interesting and challenging one. Starting a company happens to be one of the reasons why. You'll have to visit our blog to find out more and keep up with our updates until the curtain finally draws - it's more fun this way :)

Another Bigger Picture

2009-11-27T02:27:00.011+08:00

Right now, as I'm gazing into the Bigger Picture and reminding myself that yes, thinking of this giant canvas is a good place to start.. I can't help but to feel small. Really, really small.

Like a tiny speck of dirt, or a pixel on the biggest tv China has ever made.

Vionnet - Resort 2010

2009-08-12T15:08:00.012+08:00

Rodolfo Paglialunga's brilliant debut for Vionnet - beautiful draping that is the hallmark of Vionnet + the right dose of modern structure. View the entire collection and read Style.com's review. ♥♥♥

Gangs of New Yap

2009-08-09T01:46:00.059+08:00

Sometimes we think we've got it all figured out - the answers to complicated matters in life, the reasons why people act the way they do, who to expect what kind of behavior from, what habits to eliminate and what to cultivate to become a better person, how a church should and shouldn't be, how things should run in our country, what sort of future we are paving for ourselves and sometimes even foreseeing the future of others on behalf of those who haven't figured out yet. It all falls in place snugly in our minds and our logic makes perfect sense to us.

Yet the moment we speak so confidently of our know it alls, a little droplet of wisdom from above gets washed away. The second we mount on the high horse of our fine reviews and opinions, yet another seat for humility is bucked off the saddle, another door for grace is closed shut.

All this while we (may) already know (no matter how loud our voices may be to deafen this truth) that there is one God who does know it all and in fact wants us to discover the 'answers' to these things - only if and when His word, His opinion, supersedes ours. This is the same God today as the one who once physically stood among us, and in all His omniscience, held back his words from those who outrightly challenged him even though he could see right through their hearts and could've definitely wowed the crowd in all his perfect wisdom by disclosing Right On highly classified information about each challenger and proving all their ill opinions wrong. He chose not to.

The heart, mind and tongue will always choose to submit and glorify His true words over ours whenever we tap into godly wisdom and gradually learn His absolute truth of things. Slowly we realize the vastness of things; we realize that the surest bets we had on topics of discussions now come with stuff we had once failed to see. We trade our limited thoughts for an overflow of God's heart for His people - we trade them for His perspective on things. We will speak the truth in love.

So sometimes we just have to breathe in, listen more, draw conclusions a little slower, make witty comments even slower and speak last. Sometimes it's not even about what we think of things. Sometimes I just have to absorb instruction before I secrete opinion. Sometimes I just have to want to understand what good can come out of the not so/not as good before I make convenient critiques.

Most times it's all about meek inconvenience.

Snoopy

2009-07-18T01:26:00.004+08:00

He Says She Says

2009-05-11T23:42:00.005+08:00

To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy.

Will Durant

The Bigger Picture

2009-04-22T00:47:00.001+08:00

When unable to write, paste.

Dog Lovers wave

2009-03-12T01:03:00.016+08:00

You know how humans have always been inspired by animals? Birds - airplanes, whales - submarines, cats - lazyness, bats - sensors, etc. We can always count on being inspired by animals and learning from them. But there's only one out of the entire animal kingdom, which has earned itself a most special and personal title as man's best friend. And this was given to an animal, not even another human. Nevertheless, this four-legged buddy is not short of human-like temperaments and thankfully even more faithful and patient than the ordinary man.

We can always count on learning from animals, but dogs, they change us from the inside, teaches us life lessons.. makes us want to become better people.

And not forgetting, people also say that all dogs go to heaven; I really do think so.

Simple Living, Abundant Living

2009-03-07T05:41:00.026+08:00

"I went to live in the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see that I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived... I did not wish to live what was not life, living is so dear; nor did I wish to practice resignation, unless it was quite necessary. I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartan-like as to put to rout all that was not life, to cut a broad swath and shave close, to drive life into a corner, and reduce it to its lowest terms..."

Henry David Thoreau

I'm finding it harder nowadays making it a point to live only with the bare necessities in life; as you and I know all too well, less IS more. The comforts of overfurnishing is sure to change us inside but there is that one priceless thing that if not careful, will begin to lose its life as we let other things take over its worth. The spirit. It risks becoming the biggest white elephant of all, plonked and seated together in the silent company of fellow lifeless collectibles. I guess that would also be around the same time we get that dreadful revelation that hey, we haven't lived much at all.

As Thoreau wished to live and learn from only the essentials in life and to suck out all the marrow of life and reduce it to its lowest terms, I hope I can too.. but in pursuit of stocking up on what is Eternal, and to have an overflowing life that can only come from Him.

"Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God."

Jesus Christ

Eve of Another New Beginning

2008-12-31T16:35:00.011+08:00

It's the last day of the year! Just thought it would be 'exciting' to blog on the eve of yet another 365-day term ahead.

*Happy merry new year everyone* I hope we continue to draw closer to things of eternal value and impart them to others as we receive.

Ending on a light and obviously ridiculous note...

Have a good one.

Friengers

2008-10-20T00:38:00.015+08:00

So I can't even tell if this thing is an honest representation of me or if I've been kidding myself all this while, writing things that seem closest to my heart using another language altogether written by My Other Self. It's funny how I don't actually write about what I'm going through in my own blog... well at least not anymore.

_

I can't tell if you honestly regard me as a friend you'd want closeby. I can't tell if you have any kind thoughts about me when we don't see each other. I can't even tell if you like me. Can't tell if I actually care about you. I can't tell if I've actually stopped caring altogether and if I'm indifferent about you. I can't tell if I'd actually share my secrets with you and you with me, so I can tell we don't trust each other. But I can tell we're all trying. I can say hey, we do get along and I can tell we won't intentionally hurt each other. I can tell we all have fun. I can tell we look out for each other and that we are generally good people. But that's really not enough when push comes to shove, when one of us needs to give the other the benefit of doubt, when we need to actually love one another. We're all sort of awkwardly put together to become friends, friendly strangers and at this point we're still friends who are pretty much still strangers. We are friengers.

This serves as a personal reminder of the basis of relationships because most of the time, it doesn't matter if things are obviously okay or not when we choose to love anyways.

One Thing

2008-09-17T23:43:00.002+08:00

I'm asking God for one thing,
only one thing:
To live with him in his house
my whole life long.
I'll contemplate his beauty;
I'll study at his feet.

Psalm 27:4

Attachments & Getting A Move On

2008-07-06T00:35:00.027+08:00

I'm the type of person who finds the need every now and then to keep things of sentimental value. The tiny problem is my low standards of deciding what is keep-worthy. I'd keep napkins from a meal in a special restaurant (TGIF and Sushi King napkins I've done before. What's so special about them, I once knew). I'd keep clothe tags for bookmarks although I already have an entire stack dying at home; meal receipts and movie stubs to commemorate 10 years later, the day I watched Lion King in a cinema that was demolished shortly after that. Because I always imagine that in the future, as I'm advancing wondrously into my mid-life crisis and clearing the house one fine afternoon, these little souvenirs that I store responsibly will function like a storybook for my children as I take them back in time to specific dates in my youth when they ask how it was like back then (probably to finish off with a bored audience and an emo mom :S). And I've come to think that even if I NEVER sit down and look through my stash, at least I have a piece of every thing worth remembering, and that is already fulfilling as it is.

So ironically, the only times when I'm thrown into nostalgia, sifting through my collection of odds and ends is when I need to clear throw them out, forever. I've moved thrice in 2 years - two were heavy duty and required moving trucks, and the third (most recent) was simply moving into a different room in the same apartment. And all of those times when I had to clear my things so I wouldn't break the backs of those helping me, I look at what I'm about to get rid off and marvel at the funniest things I bother to keep. Some I'm torn between keeping and disposing because they're a little more special than others, but most of them just deserve to be canned like my stacks of research from college. I don't imagine myself flipping through my 4 year old Googled notes when I can just easily conduct an updated search now if I had to. Not like I would've remembered I possessed them anyways if not for forced intervention.

So here I am, having newly shifted into a different room and with much less junk (I still have mixed feelings calling it junk, sniff... Oh no, imma junkie! Noooo) and thinking of those things I will never see again, those events I will never recall as vividly again.

The year for me so far has had a persistent single worded banner flying over fleeting calendar months, and it spells 'Move'. Too many people I know are moving away, have moved already, or are planning to move. From the simple changing of local postcodes or job titles to major emigration (Vegemite Land seems to be a popular choice), people are moving about, important decisions are being made, difficult decisions; changes are taking place, and not only physical relocation. People are somewhat getting the itch to get a move on. Kinda as if Act 1 is over, and the stage is being set for different props for a different scene that makes Act 2. Displacement is happening. And to have read that 'displace often means to shift something solid and comparatively immovable' resounds a gong in me. Immovable.. something like.. a mountain. Mountains. What can move mountains? Who makes shifting something impossible to shift, possible?

I feel somewhere between my red organs and grey matter, that the word Faith is painted on the other side of that banner. The displacement of people - beliefs, traditions, habits, tendencies, familiarities, makes me want to cower in the corner and hide in my stash of Christmas past and the good ol' times I've immortalized carefully over the years. If I could, I would have everyone meaningful around me unchanging and un-aging. But I know that as good and not-so-good jolting things are happening to those I'm attached to (even more attached than I am to my neglected mementos), this is not the year of hibernation. Basically, I keep feeling that there'll be this horrid shocking surprise that will change my life forever. I guess that might be the more dramatic way of saying that soon, there will be a time that calls for much faith.

I hope that when faith summoning displacements happen to those around us, we who might not be experiencing the same, will be slower to say 'small thing onlylah' but quicker to encourage. Because I'm quite positive I'll need lots of that.

Too Legit to Sleep

2008-03-12T06:55:00.036+08:00

It's a little too early to sleep now at 7am. I was quite pleased at 1am when I was sleepy enough to be in bed as it was considerably early but the slumber ended quickly an hour after. I thought I would be sleepy after food so I just had a bowl of har mee as my messed up breakfast-supper thing but I'm still hungry and awake. Lying still and counting farm animals are things of the past and I have now turned to blogging, hoping for some odd reason I'd fall asleep sitting, midway.

The jetlag excuse for not being able to function normally like everyone else is too true. France was alright in a nutshell - most of the time afraid of how much money the company would lose if the trip is generally unfruitful for the 13 days my colleague and I were there to meet busy people we hope would like our stuff, which we lugged around everywhere we went in Heavy overstuffed bags. But it was good to be able to newly experience the weather and landscapes of Southern France after the bustling Paris. Although it was mostly cold in Cannes where we stayed, the sun was always there to greet our faces during the day. The pretty sea and beaches made me think of poetic things, acoustic guitars and why Europeans would want to come to Malaysia for our beaches when the South of France would be even more enthralling in summer. And then I remembered that WE have the cute monkeys, jellyfish, the nasi lemak and cendol, the right heat and humidity all year round and the Malaysia Boleh spirit that overwrites all other competitors. There's no place like home, and no place like.. Penang heheheheh.

And then being able to go to London was probably the highlight of the trip even though we were there last year to meet similar contacts. Honestly, we were ready to go home by the 2nd day of the trip and religiously made a daily countdown to departure. But we each looked forward to London. We both rejoiced now that the foreign language part was coming to an end and we would be able to know simple things - like how much credit we have left in our French prepaid mobile line without having to stick the phone into someone's ear to TRY translate back to English what the robot lady is saying about the balance; the voicemail retrieval part was much worse. Also being able to understand what Spongebob is saying on tv and watch all other programs in familiar English (the whole time we were in Paris, SkyNews was the only English channel available and it was all about Prince Harry's service in Afghanistan, not as much even on the Jersey abuse case or anything else for that matter). Not forgetting knowing that I'd be able to meet Simon in London made time in France more bearable and made liking England a little less complicated.

Here are just 3 pictures of the South of France. I lazy to put any more today.

A church in Monte Carlo at night - we made a half day trip.
There were indeed many crazy looking sports cars around.

On the way to St Tropez from Cannes by train and bus.

Almost sundown at St Tropez.

It's 8am. My hair is getting oilier by the minute as it does when I do not sleep.

I'm trying to make sense of faith and faith levels, knowing full well that I lack faith and also hoping that I can have faith in others the same way it should happen with my Father and I. It's true that how we feel about ourselves and others, how much faith we have in ourselves and how much faith we want to have in others are reflections of how much faith we have in Jesus, the one who initiates and perfects our very faith. The breaking down of, the denying of self, the coming face to face with - all so honestly scary, but only because it is needed to make new wholesome sense of everything around me, seen and unseen.

I think I've stopped being a 170cm tall beacon for some time, aware that I am unworthy to exhort those around me if anything because of my conscious faults. But sitting in Indifference or silence does not work and definitely not for this long though it does make me pray harder for others. There's always space in everyone to be more humble especially in personal struggles - it's as 'easy' as coming to terms with our faults and then helping others with these out in the open in Love, leaving good space for necessary scars and nightmares to happen along the road of recovery. Starts from me.

I hope you're alright wherever you are,
just remember you aren't quite alone alone.

I am really relieved and grateful to have been passed a car from Uncle Soo Inn - his trusty AD Resort stationwagon. Thank God. And also many thanks to Raj and my housemates who helped out in the process of. Hurrah! Lots of space for snares, toms and everybodies. At the mention of the latter, I am immediately thinking of the movie Little Miss Sunshine and their grandfather at the back of the van.

I miss eating steak and fries with the awesomest type of mustard, French mustard ohemgeeee! I had steak for several meals in France because it is actually budget and of course, filling with some good dessert eheheh.
I am just still so hungry and very awake. Helptchme :(

First Post of the Yir

2008-02-11T23:35:00.000+08:00

The ultra low updating activity happening in my blog just goes to show how motivated I am about the new year. It's not even a 'new' year anymore - it's post Chinese New Year, 2008. And those who celebrate this excessive season might agree that all the hype of starting a new year, ends when everyone has had their stomachs filled with dinners and their pockets emptied/filled with moolah. Actually I am pretty motivated about the year, but obviously it's not the same with this blog. I think I just have to type at better times of the day instead of before bedtime and also remind myself that it's my blog, and the need to make every sentence appealing to everyone shouldn't take 3 hours especially when I decide to lose sleep in order to save 'face'. Everyone could use more sleep and less time on the pc; most would agree by looking at my face that I need more sleep the most :/

I'm thinking of what to type and right now, I'm thinking this shouldn't be too difficult.....

*cricket*

Mm, I'll just start with some things I know.

Okay, advert - I'm sorta looking for a car to own/drive so if you, or anyone you know wants to sell their handsome cars (handsome = any car that comes with a roof and have doors that house windows that work), please text me. Or if you'd loan it instead of selling, that would be even more awesome :) Thanks.

I've been having pretty hectic months at work but it's great now that Sofira's new Spring/Summer '08 collection has been produced, well at least a bulk of it has been. More than anything, it's a big relief to see the actual blouses, dresses and whatnots being hung up in the shop and worn (not by customers, but by my colleagues trying them out in the office, heh), but of course it counts that they all are looking good so far. Also, it's been great having Hueysers (Quah Sian Huey) at work - some people may think having a housemate who's in the same cellgroup, as a fellow colleague might be overkill but I think not at all. And she seems to be adjusting well into the chaos of the office, so it's all good. She actually joined the company at least a good month before Christmas '07, so this is how horrible I've been with updating this thing.

Coming back to this year, it was wonderful being with family again and during a festivity. But I'm hoping I don't only get to see them during festivities when we're all dressed up and have dinner appointments with random people. I shall post a few pictures up of the family, Snoopy and home. Probably by next year.

Life in general is good. With its ups, downs and sometimes lower downs, things really could get much Worse in the 'worse case scenario' department but then again, Bad is bad enough and it's not like I'm particularly praying for them to happen. But I'm reminded that there are more things to be thankful for now than to be crippled by.

I thank you God for Your heart for mine. I can feel You; I felt You when You looked into my heart, that first time I was bold enough and ready by Your grace to let You investigate the depths of my heart. You truly are my Abba Father. I jump with glee at the truth of that.

Perhaps I've remembered how to articulate my thoughts again through the regurgitation of certain memories made possible by typing this post, but I'm hoping this isn't the first and last for the month because.. I'm excited to post pictures of my dog and family...

Okay, it's time to sleep because it's 1.30am and there's work tomorrow.

Have a good day. Do the hustle! tittoottittoottittittoottit!

When You Put Me On

2007-11-20T12:42:00.000+08:00

I'm not your savior,
nor am I the best thing that makes it all okay.
You reach for me and make me your desire,
but these dark places in your soul remain.
I may have the ability to remind you of hope and give you reason to believe,
but redemption does not start here.
With the exchanging of your heart with mine,
I will still bring you disappointment and fray around the edges when you don't want me to.
But it is when I do, that you might (or might not) remember to look inward and upward to the Everlasting, the never changing;
cross my fingers that you will.
Even if I should put a smile on your face,
even if I may actually be the best fix for you now.

On chocolates,
music,
clothes,
shoes,
beloveds,
friends,
work,
books,
shopping,
soothers,
and etc.

Losing

2007-10-18T14:51:00.001+08:00

It must be so hard for the family members of those missing from the Mersing ferry tragedy.
I can't imagine how it'd be if I had a loved one lost at sea, calling out his name from a helpless tiny boat, angry that those who can hear me best are those who need no float, beyond discouraged that the waters have to be so endless, knowing that every second counts and Life even more precious (I also read today the search & rescue team was some 3 hours late and the family members had to wait for them to begin. They found the victim's floating body later that day). At times like these, it's best knowing that God would be the one who throws in the float for you.

Think Nucleus

2007-09-28T10:41:00.000+08:00

The feeling of being misled is quite crumbling. I lend my heart and mind, strength and more strength toward something I knew needed all of that because it was required of me and made known that it was,
and then I come to know that No, you shouldn't really be going that direction, maybe you should try something else? Like being told to build an apartment from scratch but then the bomb is dropped and your apartment should've been a house instead. Rip hair off head and scream like an ape-like lunatic.

But more often than not, the nucleus of things isn't the verb 'misleading', it could be more of the case of the person being uncertain to begin with at the moment of crucial decision making, but making decisions anyway for the sake of having to make them before it's too late.

Maybe he/she needed something else all along but couldn't quite nail it. The best thing to do then would not be to be labeled as Misled or a victim of it which makes the other person automatically Unkind & Inconsiderate,
but to know that bottomline, you know what counts now and what is truthfully desired of the person and what you ought to do now.

Yes. But it also can be the suckssssss :(

On another note, it's quite exciting sometimes traveling daily along Jalan Ampang for you can spot maybe once in three weeks, riot policemen waiting to assemble into a strategic formation in front of embassies (mostly for the country of China only, hmm) to protect the building and the people inside of protesters carrying harmless placards and intimidating them with their hand movements and unified shouts of discontent.

I'm typing at work, and it's been an hour since I got in and I haven't opened up my work files to pour over them yet because.. yes.

Before I go off for lunch, heheee..

When I was in the bus this morning from the train station to the office (it takes less than 5 minutes on average), i took out RM1 to pay the conductress my 90cent busfare. I told her where I was going and she tore out the RM 1 ticket stub for me. 'Oiii, daylight robberyyy!' resounded in my head the second she put the stub in my palm and turned her back on me. 'Bukan 90sen kah?' She heard, then she took back my green ticket and replaced it with the usual yellow for 90, and gave me back my literally small change. I scrunched up my mouth at this and thought about what happened (that has happened before). I wish she and the other conductors (and troublemaking bribing cops, overcharging cab drivers and cheating icecream men) wouldn't do that. But essentially today, she gave me back my change and I did end up paying all I needed to pay for although it took a detour in between. Get over it, you've got your money back (I'm aware that 10 cents is almost zero when it comes to monetary value but right now, the numerical value isn't of the essence).

It made me think about times when dwelling on the in-betweens of things and the negativity surrounding it, contort simple Bottomlines into unrecognizable changed shapes. And from then on it's got little to do with humility and acceptance, and all to do with Self, sucky feelings and sidelines. I am still learning to be slower in scrutinizing sidelines. Essentially, there should be more than ourselves to think about and bigger pictures and if it is to remind others that there are better ways around things, it is always wonderful when done with patience, love and much kindness.

She could've casually ignored me or throw me something like 'Ah, sorry moi... Dah koyakkan tiket tak boleh buat skali lagilah' but she did choose to start again. Alrighttt!!

I'll just go for the lunch now. The best Cantonese Fried in the area.

Funny, No Funny

2007-09-14T16:30:00.000+08:00

Booyah!

Flesh & Blood

2007-08-20T14:14:00.000+08:00

What do I ask for, where do I start?
How do I ask and for how long?
Has the time come; will it pass?

I don't know what to think,
what are Your thoughts?
Please say, she's got a lot on her mind.
What do I say? Speak to her.

What are You doing?

Blimey

2007-08-15T03:04:00.002+08:00

As I try to ignore the time display on my monitor that tells me I should go to bed, I am again reminded that many of life lessons learned throughout my 22 years were learned the hard way. It took me 2 million accurate blows right to my mouth before I learned (when they didn't come flying anymore), that being disrespectful to your parents was just not the way to go, no matter how right you are. After I 'grew' out of physical discipline at home as the years went by, there was and is just no denying that my tongue needed all that control for what was more putrid than a defensive child when being confronted was the underlying Attitude of a haughty and stubborn me.

I think it took me my entire college life in the 'faster paced' KL and all my experiences through the years (quite good ones but mostly bad), to make me realize how far I can be from Home. Away from my physical home, to which being 'independent' from made me see how attached or detached I can get from my family members and the principles I was brought up with; not forgetting the other Home, the dwelling place of God and godliness in my heart and mind. The seasons of plowing through college till this very moment has made me realize a lot of things I never knew about myself, felt about God or the Church and Christianity.

Although He indeed opened doors and so evidently pulled me through every single inch of thread sewn, I'm reminded that my 'relocating' from the island nest to be here right now was not because I frowned and asked Him hard enough (I honestly did) to grant me the spiritual-heavenly Stamp of Approval on my desire to study design. More obviously now, it was so that I may be here right now with the daily happenings and chosen people in my life, realizing that He is most importantly the head of the Home I can be so estranged from at times and that my life is really not my own. Looking back now, if He wasn't the one to plant that mysteriously late interest for doodling apparel design back in Form 5, I don't know how else I would've ended up praying that hard for something I was that unfamiliar with and then being put here to pursue that interest.

It's humbling picturing again how every contour was made by Him - every tiny angle, every swooping bend and each timely detour so that He may reach into the depths of me and pull me out of Attitude, to show me His plans when I have enough confidence to gaze right into His face; then will my tongue speak freely of His glorious beauty and grace that I have seen and felt for myself.

Every phase in my life has been and is in preparation for something that will eventually be revealed in time but is constantly in-the-making. I feel like going back to the countless times I was as stubborn as an ass that is the animal so I could kick myself squarely there for learning things the hard way and being such a pain. But I guess if it weren't for difficult lessons, I would've been even further from Home and not forgetting the very crucial part of returning to it now.

Egg Yolk is Good for You

2007-08-07T01:10:00.000+08:00

Hello, it's me.
I have trouble looking you in the eye.
There's much to talk about, only thing I won't say much about what matters most
because there's too much to begin with;
maybe it's about time to get dirty to come clean.
I have trouble thinking of ways to start something good again, but I know that's when you come in.
I'm nervous.

Egg yolk can be and is actually good for you. But too much of it like everything else, becomes something that is not necessarily the best thing for your wellbeing sometimes. Spiritual food by far is the most nutritious and guilt free all year round, even when you have lots of it before bedtime and too much of it over lunch. And even then you won't have to skip your next meal unless maybe you decide to fast.

I'm hungryyy.

Tedium

2007-07-09T01:04:00.001+08:00

That little girl in Cambodia with her friend, the plant.

She was the prettiest of them all. Please click on the picture so you can see better.

And here is her brother in a baby elephant shirt.

This is the fifth time I've typed something and erased it. No, the fourth because I didn't end up erasing this one.

I've lost a lot of enthusiasm about things I used to be more giddy about and it's seeping into the spiritual. There is no drive, there's clumsiness, there's disbelief, there is no wholeness. Like how I'm dull to my hobbies, to neatness, to be inquisitive, to care a lot more about details and other things I have withdrawn from participating in. I may have lost them in the pursuit of finding my footing, ironically. I wonder how far away I am from having them back and when it was when I started giving them away.

There's a long way to go, I hope there's still time for me.

Okay C'mon Jude

2007-07-03T02:10:00.000+08:00

A little less thoughts of knowledge, a little more action please.

MMAAN

2007-06-19T00:16:00.000+08:00

I think I've found a new source of inspiration to immerse myself in when I know I'm doodling around aimlessly at work. Tonight is Modern Mosaic Art Appreciation Night.

This was the first mosaic artpiece I stumbled upon awhile ago and it was highly calming to look at and at the same time attractive.

Tonight I also discovered I lost my LRT travel card for the month of June (nyahah! I typed 'John' first instead of 'June'). That cost me RM 90 :(

.. I also accidentally kicked my trusty bowl and broke it into two :( It served me well throughout my college life here and housed countless food and cereal servings with much perseverance (although it was just a humble free gift from a purchased tube of Colgate toothpaste). I think the next time I'm tired and off focus, I should resort to using only melamine ware.. I can hear an Amen from my housemates.

.. And I've been haunted by the lyrics of that infamous song that goes "Baby, sometimes... love just ain't enough".

I'm going to take a nap now and wake up at 2am - been looking forward to this the whole day.

Superman

2007-06-16T01:03:00.000+08:00

One day a hand went walking,
went walking,
went walking.
One day a hand went walking,
to see what it could see..

My dad used to sing that to me when I was a small fry while making the motion of walking feet with his fingers, take a 'walk' to my foot and pick on my toes. The song continues to "It saw a little ______, a ______, a ______..." in the same tune, but I fail to remember the words. All I remember is the tune of it, words to the first verse, his comical face whenever he sings it and how it would make me go 'Noooo' and protect my toes from him (also a few times when I was already in the light blue pinafore). Oh man. I miss my dad :( I miss my facherrrrr!!

Happy Father's Day to my dad, all the dads in the world, and fathers to be.

Daddy cool.

*Peace*

Pitter Patter Feet

2007-05-29T17:43:00.000+08:00

I didn't do much at work today, nothing revolutionary, even the routine was minimal.

I saw a down syndrome girl a couple of weeks ago with her mother and maid at the LRT station, lining up and waiting for the train to arrive. She was probably about 5, wearing big plastic glasses with her hair up in pigtails and was the happiest person in the queue. She went shaking hands with the women in line and was giggling to herself, her teeth for all to see and her little jumps whipped up many smiles. Those observing her further away kept their eyes affixed on her face, the face of someone less ordinary.

The women who had the privilege of receiving handshakes and sweet greetings from the girl were gracious and expressed their joy though one could see that they were at times unsure and nervous in their courteousness. The girl's mother cheered her daughter on to befriend them and soon many were clapping for her and with her.

I melted looking at the girl - what honesty and uninhibited happiness expressed to strangers around her. She didn't know if they were sincere when they shook her hand, giggled and patted her head, nor did she stop to wonder if all they thought about was how pitiful she was and how unfortunate it must be for her mother. I don't think she would've stopped if she felt that way either. She just made everything perfectly simple, and not because she was incapable of thinking like we do (what's stupendously great about our logic again?).

No wonder we are to change and become like children.

2007-05-22T13:39:00.001+08:00

Hurts and troubles locked deep inside those who are silently waving unseen white flags as we go about our Sunday type chatter. Are we forgiving enough?

Zipped

2007-05-11T21:52:00.000+08:00

My emotions need a better manageress.

Lafayette Mall.

Red Vespa by blue window.

Introducing, the Char Chan Teng waffle with yam ice cream and bananas splashed with chocolate syrup. Cary, I miss you!

Consecrate

2007-05-10T01:19:00.001+08:00

You are a great God;
just because, all because.

Walking with you,
in the guided shade and comfort of clouds by day
and in the warmth and protection of fire by nightfall.
Sitting with you,
in the quiet places and peaceful spaces of the heart,
and in the assurance and relief of hearing your voice.
Being with you,
in the strain and pressure of structured days,
and in the violence and disarray of battles within.

I long for You.

May 1 2007

2007-04-30T22:07:00.000+08:00

I turned from your face,
have I lost my I AM?
I sat in the sea, right in the middle of its depths
so I would not hear you from the shore,
so that your hands could not draw me to dry land.
Did I lose you there?
I asked for help, but I did not run from wickedness and
violent storms so I could cry for saving grace,
but your constant light I snuffed with my shadow -
where was I when my Creator called?
Oh Lord, my God,
my love for you has grown distant,
I have grieved your heart again.
Do not leave just yet, this adulteress one is coming to shore
but only because I can still see you waiting there.
My God,
let this be as true and as everlasting as your wholeheartedness for me,
for You are worthy of my life and all things I hold close to my heart.
Let me lose them that I may find you and walk with you like in Eden, meet with you in Horeb.
I believe in You, my God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob,
the Father of my family, the keeper of peace and pure love itself,
Your grace is sufficient for me.

Bubblegum, Bubblegum.

2007-04-26T22:49:00.000+08:00

I am stepping on your feet and we are dancing like monkeys.
We are at that patch of grass and there are no responsible watchmen anywhere in sight so we have hours to kill and kind permission for our voices to echo all around.
You are singing a tune from the funniest movie and we laugh like we just heard it the first 5 times.
I am stepping on your feet again, aren't we lousy dancers.
I think the night will never end.

"Bubblegum, bubblegum..
bubblegum, bubblegum.. for me.
... asudhaisdhqweygqqwiehqwieqiwyegyg qwiuehqiwuehiqwueh qwiuehqwih... best for me. "

:)

Long way to go, but no frown. Only a sheepish smile :} I love you dearly.

Before I Go Dreaming Tonight

2007-04-24T01:23:00.000+08:00

...it means I don't want to sleep :(

Missed Calls

2007-04-20T23:01:00.000+08:00

It was storming today in KL like in a 20th Century Fox film of the end times. Freakishly at 5.30pm, it looked like it was well into the night as if 9pm, and I imagined if I were to be looking out from a hotel window by the beach somewhere in the region, I would've already started making evacuation plans in case of a potential tsunami. It was still raining very heavily 40 minutes later when I left the office, but I think I would've been stuck in the office for much much longer or gotten completely soaked like a dysfunc sponge if not for the ride I got to the Ampang Park LRT station. I thank God for the ride.

And then there was this patch of bright orange in the sky at about 7.25pm. This was sighted in PJ. It wasn't the entire sky that was lit up in that duck egg yolk color, but just a particular cut out section painted in between the usual purplish blue hues of a retiring day sky at dusk. Some of you might've seen it this evening, but driving up a slope towards the direction of a solid orange sky at dinnertime was quite intimidating for me (but it was cool also. These kinda things are always cool). Another out-of-the-ordinary thing for the day.

Hmmmmm... I must say it's not easy thinking about the money I will spend to go to church camp. It's... steep :( Even when I remind myself that it's once a year and it will be a good time. Kinda still goes back to the same emoticon.

The Kelana Jaya LRT car park has the biggest potholes ever in the face of this state. They are so very big that if not for the rows of cars parked next to them, I would've passed them off as mining pools or previous blasting sites. Ayeee. Okay so maybe not that huge, but they really are gigantic anyways - about 6 or 7 of them. They belong to the dodgy car park behind the proper one nearer to the exit, and they turn into makeshift ponds of brown water whenever it rains. I wonder what they look like from an aerial view. Heheh.. Can Google Earth them and check.

I'm wondering if there are ways around this wanting to cry business. But I think there's no way I could try missing Simon less and at the same time make myself feel "masculine" about it. It's true, I not man. So by inserting that word and dodging the rolling eyes of many, I've now given my feminine self the best legitimate excuse to eat more chocolates and talk to my cuddled, stuffed golden retriever friend because I am very much woman. And (mostly) because I happen to be a weak fly.

Saturday- full day at work tomorrow. It will be relaxing for me.

Happy Eggs & Ice Cream For Smiles

2007-04-16T16:00:00.000+08:00

Smile, smile.

Happy Eggs

Ice Cream Cones
by
Quiet Hours Toys

Links Tonight

2007-04-15T22:29:00.000+08:00

Stuff opened in my browser to share:

Something helpful that made me smile, think & recall yet again: One Life to Live by Tan Soo Inn.
I gawk and drool: Cuppacakes by Wondermilk.
Amazing videos of animals and other cool stuff: Discovery Videos on Discovery Channel (I like the Planet Earth tab link and... everything else also, hee).

I read about kuih koci, and it's actually called Passover Cake in English (or according to Wikipedia it is). Coolies. Just for fun facts:

Counting calories, kuih koci has 103kcal in one biji according to the Ministry, under the Rice & Rice-Flour Based Traditional Kuih category. This is considered Tinggi/High. Other sources has its calorie count as high as 180kcal. The 'loser' is kuih buah rotan. One piece only has 3 calories. But what on earth is a kuih buah rotan? It sounds like food from your rattan furniture to me :/ No wonder so few calories. Has anyone tried it before? In the same category, the trophy for Sangat Tinggi/Very High goes to...

LOR-MAI-FUN! (Glutinous rice with peanuts, and i think it comes with lap cheong?) One small bowl has 585 calories (the same amount as a Dinner Plate at Restoran Kolonel Sanders, which is also in the Sangat Tinggi category under Franchised Fast-Food. "Fast-food burgers" *hint* are in the Medium range).

Today was a very, very hot Sunday. I didn't mind the sunshine, but the burning heat was a little over the top. It made me think of drying fish to make ikan masin, ants frying on the curbs, body odor on strangers, migraines, rapture, secondary school sports practice, and why I love our country. But I have a headache now :|

I'm kinda thinking if I should go home to Penang during church camp weekend or not. It will be a short trip from mid-day Saturday till Tuesday. Should I?

I miss grocery shopping.

Giant Mayo Please

2007-04-14T11:39:00.000+08:00

I'm at the office, but I can't concentrate (on work). I only leave at 3pm, 4 hours from now. I want to nap for 8 hours and wake up in another place with a new identity, dressed in nobody should care that much anyways, and ride on the back of a giant golden retriever in an endless spread of field.

Outside of my being unrealistic about napping, I picture that my heart is absorbing cups of lumpy, decomposing residue the color of all kinds of waste stirred together. Like the bottom of a two day old Chinese tea teapot or a bucket of garden compost. I need an internal colander.

When I was younger, I remember being very annoyed when I used to be told 'You must learn to..' whenever I didn't need to hear it. I burn the midnight oil and miss the schoolbus the next morning and I'm told 'That's why.. you must learn'. I forget to bring my wallet and am stranded somewhere and I'm told 'You must learn next time'. It got to me, why it couldn't be as simple as Don't stay up late or Be careful but had to so often be You must learn to remember next time. I questioned the rationality of that phrase with a 'You've got to be kidding me..' attitude and because I was deeply annoyed by it (and it showed), I was known to others as the kid who didn't like being told to learn.

As much as I hated being labeled that, I now am thinking about the truth found in that 'perception'. Through the years, I trace my slowness of truly learning from select crucial events, and applying what I've learnt the next time round. Maybe it's the application department I'm dyslexic in. But if that's the case, then it's like I haven't learnt and didn't learn to begin with? Repeating the same mistakes makes me tire of myself, and this isn't about missing the schoolbus, forgetting my wallet or breaking plates. Will I ever ever ever learn?

I want to eat kuih koci with lots of gula melaka. The sugar content in this kuih koci is one of the highest (or the highest) ranked among the Malay Kuih Muihs. I learnt this from the TV ad done by the Ministry of Health in the 90's, when they were campaigning 'Kurangkan Gula Dalam Makanan'. (Remember how one of the ads had a husband scooping out spoonfuls of sugar into his coffee but his wife puts her hand on his scooping hand and shakes her head? Then he stops, smiles and drinks his not-so-sweet coffee but nods his head to show he likes it anyways. Something like that?)

I got two parking tickets two days in a row, at two separate places *slumps onto floor and turns into boneless jellyfish. 'Boh lat' *. I was quite a regular at these two spots (next to the Kelana Jaya LRT and in the housing area of Taman Bahagia) but now I guess not anymore. It is depressing but I guess the salt is good. When there are no more allocated lots left for you to park where you need to park, you should not do so at illegitimate spaces but rather move on and try elsewhere. Like... your friend's house porch.

I want to take that nap. Hehe hoho. Work.

What We Have

2007-03-21T00:53:00.000+08:00

Taking the train to work and back every day gives room for me to think that there are too many people who are self indulgent but a good number of them want to grasp for things that are larger than their inward looking lives. And then I think about myself, close my eyes and want to disappear under the floor of the train. There is the Self, and there's the Hope.

I've had two weeks of constantly wanting to get away from Myself. Disgusted, frustrated and annoyed by me, like a scraggly dog gnawing at fleas on the back of its body. Anvil, pit in ground, whale, angry mob - I wanted them.. anything, to ease me of myself. I'm now reminded again that while there were sticky situations that could've taken better routes, I summoned hastily the Self in me - my limited physical and mental know-hows on things I kinda knew I could only handle that much of on my own. I forgot the chunk of reality that I was not going to be Superwoman if Superwoman does not draw strength from above. Instead of hating myself at the end of day, I could've just taken the better route. There is the Self, but there's the Choice.

I think about the people I see around me every day in the train and wonder what motivates them to live and repeat cycles, what motivates them to do good and make right choices; what demotivates them to call for Game Over when the going gets tough. Maybe it's self-help books and lots of Chicken Soup for the Soul, kind words from loved ones, red roses from lovers and good memories. But there's always been that Hope.

God, I pray that my hope will always be in You.
That You will remind me again and again and again that You are my steadfast Hope.

How will they know that there is You?

61

2007-03-06T19:12:00.000+08:00

I didn't go to work today. I had a really bad coughing fit last night and didn't get much sleep, even the night before. It feels like there are gremlins partying in my throat and after 4am it gets to the point where I wouldn't be completely shocked to see my guts and lungs fly out of my mouth and onto the bed. I barfed out the water I drank last night and my stomach aches whenever I cough now :| I felt bad calling my boss this morning, telling her I couldn't make it to work today. But she was very (honestly) nice about it, and she allowed me the day off without an MC.

I was telling Simon the other day that during my recent CNY holiday back in Penang, I was never more conscious of age, physical sickness and longevity before in my life. I go to someone's house, and I become the most disrespectful breathing being by asking my sister something I should've remembered from day one - that the man of the house has already passed away. And this happened thrice. When she tells me and I go 'Oh DARN ITTT', I want to immediately smash my head on a hard object for FORGETTING (I can't believe myself) but it feels worse to know that the people I expect to see every Chinese New Year are getting older, looking older, and some have already gone.

I go to a relative's house and I see someone using a walking aid and looking a little too skeletal, talking much slower and softer and having a full head of ash colored hair - I've never seen the person this way before. Not even when I shook her hand last February. Age and sicknesses swallowed several whole within a mere 12 months and I could see how the days and nights throughout the year had worn them out. And those 12 months to me was like... nothing. Seeing them change physically tugged at me and knowing that people acknowledge it as 'That's how it goes; nothing you can do' was and is difficult. Hearing those who were unwell say that aloud was even worse.

There I was sitting next to them, healthy. Christian. Very soon I asked myself why I was seated right there feeling sorry but not praying for their sicknesses, not laying my hands on them. But yet I allowed my prayers to be muted and my words sat snugly in a corner of my mind instead. I saw those who were ill as helpless and vulnerable to new chapters in their lives that would confine them from then on to being dependent on medication, the hands of others, their maids, user-and-elderly-friendly devices, acupuncture and weekly clinic visits.

It made me miserable thinking about loss during Chinese New Year. If only I could have everyone I love with me for the rest of my life. Physical presence, so important to me. And I was thinking that I wasn't ready to have a missing jigsaw piece, not ready to have anyone in my family or the people I'm so used to having around or hearing from, be physically limited - feeding them their meals with my hands, wiping them clean, bringing them to the toilet every night, changing their sheets. It moved me seeing some of that happen when I visited a couple of houses this year. It was as anguishing pondering why I was seeing these things and having the same things in mind.

It's crushing me to say Prepare me God. I honestly am not crazy about it because I'm going Oh no, oh no at the same time. Times are changing - my parents are older, my sister's turning 26 and yes, I personally feel old(er) just thinking that she's not stuck at 24 anymore. My house is stocked with healthy food, fruits and organic products. Almost all my relatives were poking at the 'Bigger' questions - marriage, our husbands and careers (that my parents made funny facial expressions at and pretended not to hear as we answered them.. nyeheheh). Then it's me thinking about grey hair and failing organs all the way.

I wish it was only a 'women tend to think about sickness and death during festivities' reality. It sucks that I'm positive it's not.

Cherish, cherish.

KLTI this week would be on Ecclesiastes.

I Owe It To My Camera

2007-03-03T02:12:00.000+08:00

I can't sleep again.. Here are some pictures.

Cousins, uncles, aunties and Granma - On the eve of Chinese New Year at my uncle's (the one in glasses on the most right). Aunt #1 is in pink & Aunt#3 is on my granma's right. My mom is #4.

Other half of the family.. The men were watching football and my cousin was strumming on a very annoying toy guitar. You hit a string and it plays a song. And it doesn't stop. The frets have LEDs.

Snoopy woke me up EVERY single day I was back home in Penang. He wailed and wailed. It was awful hearing him but I hated ittttt. TEN DAYSSS..

On my last night in Penang, our family had dinner at the Paddington House of Pancakes (yes, Penang now also GOT). This was my dish - a fancy rolled up rose-inspired piece of salmon with buckwheat pancakes. It was healthy.

The offer came early Feb & this is my workplace now. Wooheehoo. The label is called Sofira and I am now appointed as their fashion designer hohoho. The boutique/office is in Ampang (across the road from the entrance to Sucasa Hotel).

Behind the nice chair, is a nice view of the garden and pond (and gardener?). Yoga classes are held in another section of the bungalow & I am guessing they use the patio for their stretching. Just beyond the garden is a school and I get to hear what they're up to whenever I go to the bathroom. The teachers only talk through microphones and speakers for some reason. The first time I was in the bathroom and the cikgu was talking, I thought there was a woman behind the toilet talking on her handphone very loudly.

The office room where all the commotion is. We close the door when customers drop by. The boss occupies that table most of the time. The topmost drawing stuck to the white wall is a hand-drawn scene of family members on a picnic by the beach done by my boss' kid; I thank God it's there for me to rest my eyes on.

TADAH!!

My handsome facher and my happening looking macher with my square-smile sister @ House of Pancakes. I love.

New Post Man!

2007-02-12T15:04:00.000+08:00

Ehhh I just realized the 'New Post' shortcut link on top of my blog! So I clicked it and it led me here to type a new post. Tricky!

The sun is merciless - I can feel a migraine resurfacing. Everyone, please make sure you're hydrated enough (that means 'drink water'! Not 'put moisturizer in lips') because dehydration may lead to headaches and fainting spells. Juices, coffee and tea do not count ok.

I am looking forward to being back home for Chinese New Year. What I'm less excited about is visiting houses that have no ventilation and waiting for my dad to finish talking while my sister and I die of heat and boredom for an hour in the hottest mid-afternoons of the year, sipping our box drinks very slowly because we ate so much in the previous stop already. Hehhhh... But it's all good! Family time, I should learn to handle with more gratitude and much... love. To be less critical, less dull, more giving, more affectionate (*shiver* but really. Now or never). I've always had mixed feelings about Chinese New Year - feeling dragged at some points, feeling quite happy to see select people; indifferent about meeting others.

I need to prepare myself again to see beyond the tong tong chiangs, angpows and kueh bangkit. To really appreciate the unity and blessing behind visiting our kin and family friends and the presence of each of my family members as we go about together. Although it's an annual thing and there are little surprises involved, the fact that we don't do it every other day or month is already a darn good reason for me to treat it with a little more healthy sensitivity and respect.

I know I'll miss it all some day :(

KLTI This Week : Proverbs 1-15 . This is for whoever who'd like to know what we're up to and maybe read along too heheheh. But you should come and listen to Teacher Paulina - she bubbles over with biblical surprises that most of us overlook (and that's why we are in KLTI, amen) when we screen through the books. We have lotsa fun.

Heatwave

2007-02-11T20:14:00.000+08:00

HOT. No breeze. So. Very. Hot.

I've got a splitting headache and my body feels like it's being cooked :( Feel like throwing up.

I really thank God that the wedding bajus turned out well, enough to make me look at my client wearing them and smile to myself. It feels great knowing that someone honestly loves what you have for them, after a lot of work and worrying. She has 5 other dresses she might want me to make for her family members by June :/ Wondering if I should. But right now, I'm just happy I'm over and done with the bride's.

My head really hurts.

"I'd leave ninety-nine,
leave them all behind,
to find you."
-Audio Adrenaline-

Thank You God for having me today the way I've been wanting to meet with You - just like the old days.

Hello Simon

2007-02-10T17:01:00.000+08:00

I love you lah heheeeeeeeee.

Sewing Away

2007-02-08T01:35:00.000+08:00

The Client's coming on Friday - tomorrow. After almost 3 months of corresponding, I am finally Freaking Out.

Wedding baju 1

I'm running out of time beading :| Acres of cloth, seems like.. and another few thousand beads to go before tomorrow afternoon. The part where I'm shrouded with sleepiness isn't contributing to my optimism. I hope I don't disappoint her, I hope the alterations won't be major ones, I hope she goes happy. God, I pray You be there when I meet her.

-Panic attack here-

Amen

2007-02-07T02:15:00.000+08:00

To be overwhelmed and consumed.
Awe
reverence
obedience
peace.

Help.

Smelling Ultraviolet

2007-01-31T19:39:00.000+08:00

I like how my mom and I dislike the same perfume both of us bought at the same time & how I didn't find out till she asked if I wanted hers.

Coney Dog

2007-01-31T00:50:00.000+08:00

Hehehe...

Snoopy boy... *Heart* Wearing his dog cone and looking as cute as ever :D My sister took this picture a week ago or so.. he's doing much better now :) I burst out laughing when I first saw the pic... Too cute.

Dad's Pancakes

2007-01-29T00:08:00.000+08:00

I kinda grew up eating my dad's homemade pancakes and I'm very fond of them. They're not the thick species, but they're much flatter, and has bananas, raisins, and Nestum besides TLC.

Today - so it's 11 something at night and I had some bananas that needed some attention (getting very overripe), so I decided to help them out and make some pancakes, Mr Yeoh style. And they turned out yummy :D Below are pics, with the honey in the background as poser prop. I usually have the pancakes with honey, jam or both.

Spot the difference heheh.

When my dad taught me how to make the pancakes, he didn't specify the exact amount of ingredients used because he doesn't really know himself. Whenever he makes them, he doesn't measure, just agak-agak only. So up till now, I've no clue how much I put for each ingredient but this is what my dad's pancakes are made of: egg(s), flour, milk; a little bit of salt, sodium bicarbonate, baking powder, sugar, gusto, vanilla essence; raisins, bananas, and Nestum on top. I just mix all of them together in that order and fry them on a nonstick pan with butter. My dad can do the toss-into-air, flipping pancake trick, but since I don't have enough macho-ness to do that (also because I've learnt from fail attempts that there's no food wastage if I don't flip them) I avoid performing any stunts while frying.

I love the pancakes warm, cold and even if they're one night old (my dad used to make them on weeknights so I could have them in school over recess the next day). Reminds me of all things homey, hearty and soft-spotty.

Hmm... two food posts in a row!

I'm hungry.

PBCS

2007-01-28T00:38:00.000+08:00

I have a snack recipe that really works if you're into snacking and carbs. I call it the Barney Hour Peanut Butter Cheese Sandwich. And it requires you to possess

one (1) slice of bread
lots of Chunky peanut butter
a slice of cheddar cheese (cheapest is Valumetric heheh and it's good okay)

Method:

With that one slice of bread, you smother as much Chunky peanut butter as you want and put that slice of cheddar cheese on top of the thick peanut butter layer before you finally fold the slice of bread into half and swallow it (you could halve the cheese slice so you can use it in your second sandwich if you have another. My suggestion is to halve the cheese slice anyways because you'll never be forgiven for eating only one, lonely sandwich while watching TV).

I prefer folding one slice of bread into half instead of having two slices for sandwiches because I get to save bread, taste more of the peanut butter/filling, and then feel good about eating more helpings.

I miss eating those and the times I used to - when I was Standard 5 and 6, watching Barney on TV1 or 2 around late afternoon. I did put aside my homework to watch him.

There are a few things I want to do before I die or before it's too late to do them (like in a year heheh). I might have partially or fully done some before, but everything in this list hasn't yet been experienced or carried out in an unforgettable way that would remind me forever that I've done them full well (no permanent bookmarks yet), so i'd like to do those again. It's just a small, simple list that is very doable and has very little to do with Travel around the world and bungee jump; not even Go to 3eb concert.

Ride a horse without help and not round in circles within the arena but where there's open land so I can bring it to a gallop at least.
Go to an empty beach at night. Breezy night.
Watch a childhood video of me (I think this might be a bad case of wishful thinking because I didn't know videocams existed till I started watching America's Funniest Home Videos and we didn't have one).
Watch a movie (or maybe 2) in a cinema and have the entire cinema to myself and Simon.
Babysit.
Learn how to cook all of my dad's favorite dishes he cooks with him.
Write children's book.
Memorize fully some Psalms, starting with shorter ones.
Share the gospel to strangers.
Call home more often instead of messaging.

I also want to go to a 3eb concert hehhh.

Pour & Ponder

2007-01-22T07:35:00.000+08:00

Everytime I feel like blogging, I don't feel like it anymore by the time the Blogger Sign In page fails to load within the lifespan of my patience I set aside for Internet Connections and PC Works. Either I don't have enough patience or the page takes forever to load. Or I'm just lazy.

It's already past mid January and it's early in the morning on a Monday. I don't brave the morning highway crawl or clock in for work in half an hour, neither will I before or after half-day today because I don't have a workplace to go to. Yessss I am a bummmm.

I resigned (the word makes me feel old, I can't believe I'll be 22 this year. I didn't know I had the ability to turn 22 because I used to think it as one giant leap that was like College Years -> Beyond Menopause) from CatsWhiskers on the 17th of January, and will now go into freelancing. I am now thinking that Freelancing is a fancy word for those who will have a bad rash if they sit (or stand) in the same office for 37.5% (I counted hehe!) of total hours every day (after I calculated, total hours is around 24 hours).

I've a few reasons as to why I left, two of them being so I can have time for things I miss and so I can multi task effectively like a monkey. It's true. So I will be on ~~project~~ homework basis (literally homework) - designing, producing the designs into actual pieces you can put on your body (hint hint), having other time and money fillers by freelancing for production houses as a wardrobist for shoots, working for fashion publications and whoever else who might need my services. I can also bake. If anything, it will be after CNY if I decide to change my mind should I, A) exhaust my $ and go back to that thing we call a stable job, or B) feel like I could be heading to A.

On Saturday, Jen Lyn and I decided to combine our I-Feel-Like...-Baking! senses into one ball of energy, so I went over to her house to bake some cookies. We had fun! We had even MORE fun smelling the burnt cookies from upstairs and running like irresponsible bakers to the kitchen, only to find the cookies possessing shiny black faces by the time I pick them out from the oven. We kinda forgot about the baking cookies in the kitchen, but thank God the smell gave it away. This happened for both batches (the third batch of cookies only consisted of 3 tiny cookies on one tray, so that couldn't be a legal batch). Jen Lyn said they could cause cancer. I had no idea the oven's timer was spoilt.

BUTTT the cookies are good nonetheless! Honest. I love the crunchiness, taste and the best part is that it doesn't taste burnt. You won't be able to taste bitterness, I promise. We scraped off the cancerous bits so no one will remember 30 years from now that Jen Lyn and I gave them some Upside Down Cranberry Chocolate Nut Cookies that were overbaked. And it's upside down only because they look browner that side up :D But they are good! Ask us for some! They taste like Famous Amos cookies (hoho) because it's a Famous Amos recipe for Hawaiian Nut supposedly but we improvised with the ingredients e.g. added cranberries which was a yummy thing to do.

Veryyy good with ice cream lah. Or on it's own :) The black area in the picture is the shadow made by the cookies, it's not burnt cookies okay.

I am more free now, but am not sitting around collecting dust at home, but if anyone needs help or perhaps a counseling session or two (I might be kidding), and if you are getting married this year, I could do your gown so feel free to give me a buzz.

I don't feel like continuing.
I don't feel like dancing. Maybe tomorrow.

& A Happy New Year

2006-12-31T08:18:00.000+08:00

21 Dec - Fried rice, noodles, turkey, curry chicken for KAWAN. We didn't have enough food initially, but praise God, we had extra servings in the end. Awesome.

22 Dec - Cupcakes at Reub's

24 Dec - Penang's Coastal Highway at twilight.

25 Dec - Lunch. Char koey teow at Island Glades, Penang.

After lunch, I dropped over at Ee Laine's house to give her bananas and tau-foo-fa heh.. Then my dad said he wanted to go for a quick session of physiotherapy because his back needed some loosening. He has been to this physiotherapist guy 3 times already, and my dad says he's good coz it seems to be working. So we drove to town (my sister drove) and this is where my dad asked us to stop:

PENANG KARATE BROTHERHOOD. My sister and I laughed so hard. But it was for real, this is where my dad has been getting his physio from. The guy is not a karate man, he apparently just uses the premises. But it's hilarious nonetheless.

25 Dec - Erin and Isaac, my cousins at my uncle's Christmas dinner. Before this, I was at a church member's family get-together where it was my first time having Indian (not Malaysian Indian, India Indian) food for Christmas. Lovely.

Snoopy isn't well. When I was home, he was much skinnier than before and it was easy to tell that his hind legs were weak; much weaker than before. His lower body was sensitive to the slightest touch and he'd bite himself every now and then. He cries a lot. Just after I left Penang, my sister msged and said Snoopy's condition was worsening. My sister did some research online and says he likely has lumbrosacral stenosis which is common among senior dogs. It is the compression of nerve roots at the end of the spinal chord and affects his bladder also (Snoopy has had problem holding it in sometimes). This disease may lead to lameness.

She brought him to the vet yesterday and the visit came to a close with glucosamin pills and a dog collar to take home so that he won't be able to bite himself. He'll be monitored for two weeks.
She msged me again last night and said that he's miserable with the dog cone around him and he needs care and attention all the time but she's starting work on Wednesday and no one has that much time at home either (no one's at home 24/7). Snoopy has self-inflicted wounds all over his body coz he bites himself, annoyed and confused.

Pray for my dog :( I love him to bits.

I'll be at CatsWhiskers Hartamas effective January... my colleagues are constantly warning me about the manager there and her schemes. I hope I survive.

Last day of the year.

How Can

2006-12-29T00:42:00.000+08:00

What on earthlah.

Vitamin B for Supper

2006-12-15T23:15:00.000+08:00

I went for an interview with Harper's Bazaar today (I sent a random message two days ago to the fashion stylist, asking her if there were any available positions. One of those things I do to complicate matters - contact someone whom I know will complicate things even further by presenting me with what I want, when I have yet to know what I want for myself). So while I'm knocking myself repeatedly on the head with a YesNoYesNo-DoIDoINot mullet, I casually ask someone who strikes me square with the same questions I don't have answers to (e.g. So you want to be in the publishing field? And so you see yourself...?) . It might be a good thing, it might not help. But I hate it that I waver from..

I want to design. Independently.

So I was sitting there with the fashion stylist and editor of the only fashion magazine that I subscribe to almost every month (because I can afford the RM7 value and I love the layout and not forgetting the way their pages smell. I honestly like the smell of Harper's Bazaar pages! I smell them first thing when I get a copy heheheh). It was a very good interview in a couple of bad ways.

The major downside was the job vacancy itself. They are looking for an intern, someone who will be paid RM30 a day, 5 days a week, working from 9am-6pm. Using my fingers as a calculator, I work out that the intern will earn a grand total of Rm600 a month. The contract is for 3 months, after which the intern usually reports back to college or continues steady slogging in the field of magazine publishing, be it in the same publication or another. Harper's Bazaar has a full team now, and Editor says that there are no vacancies besides for an intern and this will most probably remain so for the next year.

As I am being told this, my smile by now is chemically plastered on my face for the sake of it being there to save myself from looking overly disappointed and Garfield-like. I could join them as intern, learn an awful lot and be part of the team (and as the lowest payed employee too hurrah all good) but then what happens after the 3 months, I don't know. If I do say Yes to them, I will be exhausting myself financially every day for 90 days and might have to settle for bread, water and my leftover Vitamin B iron pills for that extra nourishment.

They also offered that I freelance for them - basically doing what an intern would do/doing what the fashion stylist is too busy to do. But I don't report to work daily, just finish what I'm told to do within a deadline.

... so yes, I am itching to design my own stuff. Going freelance totally. Designing, doing odd jobs for a fashion magazine, coordinating wardrobes for shoots, making lasagna, surfing the Internet, etc. Basically not spending 9 hours of my day at CatsWhiskers for 6 days a week. But that would mean giving up my steady income and consuming iron pills (something my mom can be proud of I guess. She likes it when I eat my vitamins). Freelancing while committing that much time every day to Cats isn't much time at the end of day.

If I choose to continue with CatsWhiskers, it will be more practical $ wise and it's slightly safer than relying on come-and-go projects. But I'm missing my LF, FNS, practices, movies, dinner get-togethers, sturdy legs and Saturdays. Also the Kawan Christmas blessing and Sunday service this 31st.

It's past midnight on a Friday night. Work tomorrow.

Numb Foot

2006-12-09T07:48:00.000+08:00

Hello hello, every-body... ('making calls, taking calls, on the go, hello hello...' Hahaaa remember that Telekom ad jingle years ago? It's funny and I like it! Something Telekom can be genuinely proud of - that catchy number, which I am having trouble remembering for sure if it's really from a Telekom ad or not heheheh)

I am now typing this in Bayu Puteri, the apartment home of the Quahs (I have become one of their relatives through registering for a resident's card... not baddd! Instant intercepting! Nyeheheh).. I finally am feeling what it's like to live under a roof over my head in Selangor without having a label pasted onto my forehead that reads HOUSEMATE or having the people living in the same place addressed the same way (although now I might be walking around with an 'Intruder' placard instead kekekekek).

A big thanks to Sean I, Huey, Cary and Josh who helped me with the moving and settling in. And to Simon for praying. I give you guys extra Christmas presents heheheheh..

I will be going back home to Penang on the 23rd and coming back Boxing Day. Can't wait to spend this year's Christmas with me family. Already thinking of Chinese New Year.

I've had Soul Action in my thoughts and I miss it.

I'm finally going to give fabric to the tailor to sew the three gowns I'm doing for a friend's friend. The friend who is getting married is living in Denmark and I've been corresponding only through emails and smses.. She's trusting me and giving me a good amount of freedom, I really hope it all goes okay and she doesn't put her wedding on hold if they fit her like a square peg in a round hole. She'll be flying down early February for her photoshoots, the wedding is only mid 2007. In February, she'll only be here for a week, which means a very tight schedule for any alterations and last minute changes to the three gowns.. I think it'll be impossible for any changes to be made besides the sizing of the dresses. No timeee.. Freaking me out. *But if any of you would like baju's to be made....*

My leg is kebas now and I miss Simon like crazy.

Our Children

2006-11-23T00:06:00.000+08:00

God of justice,
You rule with grace and forgiveness.

We have blood on our hands,
our palms a valley of dripping blood.
Murders,
Look! Murderers.
Their eyes are windows open to love; open to us,
but we are blind with indifference and do not see them.
They are still watching us though we have yet to give.

Protect them Abba Father!
Guard them from lashings, torment and sorrow.
Let them play and sing in freedom!
Let them be shielded from unkindness,
let their feet leap for joy from ravines of hopelessness.
Extend Your perfect love and embrace them -
curse those who harm them and whose hands strike at their wounds.

We do not wake from our slumber,
we do not open our eyes when You call us by name, we only stir in our sleep.
When will we go with You? You are always with us.
You have long saved us our battles, when will we fight for Your truth?
Why do we settle for ourselves?
We have crowned our lowly wisdom,
we have blood on our hands.

God of mercy,
You call us Your own.

Not Much

2006-11-14T00:06:00.000+08:00

When you just feel like lying in bed all day.

Water, Roach, Pau

2006-11-10T23:36:00.000+08:00

Almost midnight and there's still no water at my house now; I haven't washed my hair or showered yet. Ack.

TB CORNER HAS DONE IT AGAIN
A little advert for TB CORNER of Damansara Perdana - I've promoted the Chee Cheong Fun/Yong Tau Foo stall there in my blog before, and now I want to further promote another stall in this full o' goodies coffeeshop at DP hehe (it's a corner shop, opposite a mamak called D' Maju which sucks. Do not go there).

EAT THE PAUs FROM TB CORNER PLEASEEE!! They are soooo gooooddd... *Scouts oath* The first time I tasted its RM2.20 tai pau (or in Hokkien, tua pau), I was so impressed and desperate for someone to savor the goodness with me, I was tempted to ask my Muslim colleagues to try them :/ Anyone! The excessive pork filling is so yummy and its really worth all two hundred and twenty cents. I love it when paus are cheap and even crazier than paid for. I tried their kaya pau one night and the kaya was overflowing, literally. It was as though I was eating a melting Sundae cone. Char siew and tau sar paus there are awesome too. All of themmm.. Well above average paus! Two thumbs up for TB Corner! Go therelahh..

Which reminds me... our old family car was a boxy Toyota Corolla with the numberplate PAU 4541. Hehehehe. Grew up with it.. I can still remember how the engine chirped. Uhm you might see it in Kompleks Kemajuan on Sundays heheh.

I went to Tesco before work today to buy toothpaste and groceries (toothpaste topped the list but I conveniently shopped for everything else but the toothpaste AGAIN. But thank God I remembered this time one second before I unloaded my less-than-10 items basket onto the 'Express' counter). I bought two boxes of sausage buns (each at RM2.99 only! A box has 4 buns), finished one box at work and brought home the other. Then dundundun... a small roach is seen roaming about in the clear plastic box (it wasn't there when I bought it at Tesco. Tesco is NOT evil). I killed the hyperactive thing, but the question remains - DO I or do I NOT THROW THE FOUR UNEATEN SAUSAGE BUNS? I haven't decided and the buns are still here, unscathed and in perfect condition. Like brand new. I promise. And they only expire on the 12th......

Maybe it's just me, but I've always felt as if the days pass by quicker at the end of year, compared to during the 10 months before the last two. November and December strangely feels glued together as one and the new year unfolds a day or two after Christmas, seems like. It could be a good thing. I don't feel like closing the year yet - this year, because it brings lingering good memories. But I am positively looking forward to the coming days; I'm already feeling restless about the approaching year. And to top it all, I get to see Simon again. The best. I miss him too much I feel like biting my head off and eating the sausage buns. Ooo.. question answered.

Work tomorrow. Wati out.

Moving Out 2

2006-11-10T10:57:00.000+08:00

Hey guys, short notice - I'll be moving in with the Quah sisters to Bayu Puteri, hopefully before or on December 1st. So I need a replacement for my current room in ss2 to take my room effective December.. It's biggg, loaded with bandwith and housemates are from heaven! Pass the word around, tis urgent.

Thank you! Have a great day *Come to CatsWhiskers*

Making Do

2006-11-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

We console each other with the little that we have every time we talk from afar.
Anything less and i wouldn't be able to imagine what it'd be like
if we were mute and at the same time, distant, with silence and the unknown in between us before we get to hear from each other again.
If only i didn't miss you even more while hearing from you.
But that's how it goes;
what i'd do to see you again.
So they say it'd be sooner than we think it'll be
but the days stretch longer and each ache with a piece of you we left behind and now carry with us, because that's all we have.
I'd hop on a plane.
I just have to hold your hand, dance, be with you - the paper pictures are all we can have.
That's how it goes.
Making do.

A Hymn in the Morning

2006-11-06T11:05:00.000+08:00

Here is Love

Here is love, vast as the oceans,
Lovingkindness as the floods,
When the Prince of life, our ransom,
Shed for us, His precious blood.
Who His love, will not remember?
Who can cease to sing His praise?
He can never be forgotten,
Throughout heaven's eternal days.

On the mount, of crucifixion,
Fountains opened deep and wide.
Through the floodgates of God's mercy,
Flowed a vast and gracious tide.
Grace and love, like mighty rivers,
Poured incessant from above.
And heaven's peace and perfect justice,
Kissed a guilty world in love.

Soggy Cheesecake

2006-10-28T10:04:00.000+08:00

I want to thank God for the weather these days, something we usually only complain about, whether the heat, air, humidity or rain. We now have blue skies filled with puffy white clouds and good rain daily that cools down the heat of day; the air is pleasant to the lungs. I'd take the heat over haze any day.

I love the feeling of satisfaction when our eyes capture a word or phrase we're looking for in a page full of assortments. The way the found word chimes in our heads as the most aesthetically pleasing thing in a forest of alphabets; how the brain says 'there you go' and our eyes rest on the word with much comfort. Although it all happens within a second it's a nice feeling of satisfaction. (You can try now by looking for the word 'wedgie' in this post heheh). But I hate it when the search takes forever - I am not a fan of 'where is itttt?' Pull out hair.

My sister is coming on the 17-19th November with a few girl friends from GBC. Can't wait.. I miss her company. I'm thankful I have a sibling. Although I don't get it when people say we look alike (we don'tttt.. not like it's a bad thing though we used to cringe at it, but we really don't lah. My mouth is a canyon compared to hers and I'm charcoal black next to her, which only means she's the better looking one), I like how we reflect each other, having grown up together in a Yeoh family home and how no one relates to me the way I do with her. She's like a 'portion' of my parents whom I have little restrictions being transparent with. Maybe I'm suppose to feel the same with my parents, but there are just some things I can't imagine telling my parents, e.g wrecking embarrassing moments, how someone pulled a massive wedgie in the lift, what a person did that was part obscene, part hilarious, etc. Being with her is wholesome.

I think I'll spend Christmas in Penang this year since I didn't last year. I miss home.

My dad bought me a new CPU :) It's black with a red border and an On button that emits neon blue light and the abbreviations AVF in the font of Sony's VAIO *square grin* I know it sounds jeng but it's actually niceee. My old CPU is back home in Penang.

Good to go.

1U-ed

2006-10-27T23:56:00.000+08:00

Heheh.

Murukuuuu

2006-10-21T00:37:00.000+08:00

Hello..just a quick one.

Happy Deepavalliii!!! Ohwohohh balik kampung..

I'm working at Cats Whiskers now in Damansara Perdana :) I started on Monday, working hours are 12pm-9pm daily and I work alternate Saturdays ('alternate'). I get a weekday off when I work on Saturdays, hehe.. Sundays are off. And I was off today (Friday) boohaha but working tomorrow though. Looking forward to it, whee.

I'm loving my job, hopefully it'll stay that way. I don't get bored too, maybe that's coz it's just the first week and also being oblivious and unexposed to any form of work politics = BES. I love the people I work with at DP (there are three of us at any one time, staff from other branches also come and go depending. I might also be moved around later on). I don't sit much for the 9 hours daily, mainly coz there are things to do although I can sit whenever I want to. If I had any complains so far, it would only be my aching body :/ No stamina lah. Must..go..for.. massage.

Massageee...

I'll stay with Cats Whiskers for however long/until God wants me to move. But gaahhh.. I got a call from Harper's Bazaar yesterday, and they're asking me to go for an interview to intern with them :( Pull out my hair. I'm thinking Why didn't you call me earlierrrr? A little stumped in the beginning at the ill timing, but I know God has better timing at things like these. Time to ask Him.

Parents are driving down on Sunday evening and staying in my room till Tuesday (I think). Of course not only confined in my room, they can wander heheheehe.. On a different note, my sister handed in her resignation letter to her company a few days back. She works at Pricewaterhouse Coopers in Penang as an auditor (and everyone says 'Oohhh that's whylah, no wonderrr') and chose to quit as she knows that God is calling her out into a setting where she can teach and be with kids. I respect her for braving the odds, being obedient to her calling, and seeking God even as she knows she's doing the right thing. I'm overjoyed that she gets a chunk of her life back.

Chunky peanut butter is the best.

I am missing Simon. A lot. Though we keep in frequent contact, it ironically reminds me of the distance between us. I need to hop on a plane, row a boat, anything :/ So many many more days to go :(

All Sorts of Pics

2006-10-16T01:09:00.000+08:00

Flower in Cambodia. No editing here.

Hohooo!

DOMINATING.

Heheheh.. Nobody asked her to do that, promise.

This is Max, Kelvyn's (sister's bf) golden retrieverrrr... Very, very adorable.

Tee Wei's tiramisu is THE BOMB.

Uhm heheheh... I was posing for Aecha's (ex-housemate) assignment.

Owhhh soo goood..

Heart

2006-10-14T17:16:00.000+08:00

Fortifying,
love in its gentle radiance.
Its heat does no scorching
though melts and paves as it travels within us.
Warmth.

The Charm of Knowing

2006-10-11T03:50:00.000+08:00

I remember when we used to talk in secret
and not tell anyone, especially ourselves, that we had lengthy discussions at 3.
So while each of us remained behind invisible walls
we made sure we talked every other time.

What we didn't want for ourselves, we paraded;
what we wanted for each other, we buried.

I thought I'd be undercover, see you go and take comfort in your distant news-
maybe once in four days or twice a month.
Nothing special, nothing much, just the constant feeling of what it would've been like
if we held hands, kissed goodbye and were tangled in strings attached.

All that I feared made its way for you,
all I hoped welcomed you in turn.

I'm waiting to hear from you and continue from where we left off hours ago,
our lengthy discussions in the middle of the night
like before we came around our towering walls.
Just that now I get to hold your hand, kiss you hello and buy more string.

What we wanted for ourselves, we now share;
what we buried before, we grow.

Unorganized Thoughts on Brokenness

2006-10-10T17:14:00.000+08:00

There is a Power beyond our power,
A hand that clasps our hand,
There is a strength beyond our strength,
A heart that understands.
There is a smile that warms our souls,
A calm, assuring peace.
And at the mercy seat of God
There's grace that cannot cease.
So in your weary, trying days
May it comfort you to know
The Father guards your life with love
And never leaves his own.
-Judith Gooding-

I was thinking about what it means to be broken. I'm still thinking about it and as much as I'd like to spell it out as emotional anguish, kneeling and incessant crying, I'm thinking of other things about it that might be more disturbing.

A few words shape brokenness for me - humbling, the laying down of, heartache, debris, rubble, the tearing down of, besides other words that describe the peeling and crumbling of pride or the human heart. And I'm thinking, surely everyone has been broken before - we all ache, we've had our share of despair. And I include myself in; yes I have been broken and many times at that too. I am an experienced brokee. Or am I?

I'm wondering if being broken surrounds the entirety of feeling like you've got nothing left to give, final straws, sadness and bruises. I'm wondering when people claim being broken = being hurt. Or when they mention that the extreme kind of hurt sums up to brokenness. Then there are some who echo that it's about surrendering yourself, the laying of desires; pain. I do have the same opinions and agree that those make the components of being broken, but surely there's more to it. Surely? More? To? It? Yes?

I'm also reminded of the word 'wounds' in close relation and the healing of these wounds and scabby scabs.

Healing. What heals? First word that pops into my head besides who heals, is the time factor. We all know that in time we heal. Or do we? Perhaps it helps us forget about that one time (or more) when we were broken. But perhaps time only overlaps with the progression of the days of our lives but does not heal the scabs, at least not to the point of supple skin. I'm thinking that time heals wounds, but leaves the scabs as they are. When we pick on them again one day should we feel like reminiscing, we find pinkish flesh or some puss sleeping snugly under the layer of hard maroon.

If being broken were to mean being severely hurt emotionally and to swim in a pool of sadness, I'm thinking that brokenness is my drowning in sadness, alone and in the middle of the ocean with no island or floating dead sea animal to cling on to. I'm thinking utter desperation to the point where reconciliation with the Truth, healing, contrition and liberty from ourselves all lead to the freedom of being loved by Christ and His grace.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3

It's cool how the Bible says that Jesus heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (no, I actually typed the verse again and didn't just copy and paste :/). If the word 'wounds' is a metaphor for unseen hurts and all things marred and tainted, it would mean He bandages our hurts, thus treating it. And while our white blood cells happily fight infection and eat up old cells, He renews our souls and hearts where all the pain generates from and where He should be kept in with the pain.

I think that may be key. Keeping Him in. I'm thinking about people who have been broken before and enveloping their hurts with the right things: tears, great friends, family, time; even humility, acceptance and confession. And also the initial laying down of self at His feet while they were writhing in pain or drowning in that ocean. I'm not denying the fact that we do need the aforesaid to cope, but what if we then envelope ourselves continually with the 'right' things and leave Him out while doing so? We could very well let time and its beautiful essence of ticking forward be something that has bright potential to rob us of our hurts little by little, until we feel much better and realize things for ourselves, which quite feels a lot like the lifting of our burdens and the healing of our brokenness. We do have the capacity to 'get over' stuff, even if it doesn't involve prayer.

I've no idea where I'm leading myself to here, I think I may be pointlessly going around in circles. BUTTT I'm thinking now as I'm circling around, that brokenness is when we hurt and He hurts with us - we choose for ourselves to let Him throw us the lifesaver. As much as it is about bereavements, it's also about the healing that already starts when we choose to keep Him in. Maybe sometimes we fancy telling ourselves that we have been broken and that we are broken people, but maybe we have yet to learn the severity of true brokenness that flies beyond emotional trauma and the rubble we become in the middle of it.

I think it involves the choice of being overtaken by Him. Sacrifice, even during the journey of healing and rediscovery.Letting ourselves go, whether we're angry while broken or thirsty while broken or desperate, and choosing to call out to Him as the one who does the bandaging.

And now I'm thinking of the fact that it has to take us to be broken to realize certain things, and how fast we sometimes forget those things we encountered back when we were still experiencing pain, how it used to matter much more then. Hmm. Why is it that if we are broken people, we forget His grace so easily? I guess we get comfortable too fast. Especially when we start figuring things out. It's a continuing process.

Ayeee.

Oprah Says It Like A Man

2006-10-09T03:08:00.000+08:00

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."

Smoking

2006-10-06T13:33:00.000+08:00

tmNut sucks.

But lo and behold! A Maxis broadband leaflet arrives just when everyone is about done with Streamyx. I'm happy there's an alternative, whether or not we actually switch ISPs because now we can threaten boohaha. So nicelah, I like.

I haven't blogged for long. Feels weird to type in here.

One of the sources of wind and air circulation in my room is positioned behind me now (not fart). It's a table fan and it's blowing at the back of my head causing my hair to fly in front of my head, over my forehead, all over my eyes and into my ears. Like Medusa Oblongata. Not sure if you guys smell smoke where you live, but in SS2, it's smokier than usual and having two portable fans (where one is blowing hair all over your face and the other needs you to go 2 inches in front of it to convince you that it is indeed blowing air), doesn't really help in the fresh air circulation department. Be grateful you have a ceiling fan if you do and that thing called the a/c :(

Tuesday night - Dolly, Joshua and Janelle's LF got together at the clubhouse at Janelle's to eat mooncakes, play Pictionary and hit people with a giant inflatable hammer. We were supposed to walk around with lanterns (Tanglung Festival yayyy) but then after eating mooncakes, we got lazy. So we just hung the lanterns onto a nearby unsuspecting tree and used the long plastic sticks that we were supposed to hang our lanterns with to hit people instead.

Lanterns.

We were playing Pictionary and someone picked an All Play card, meaning all teams draw the same thing and the team that guesses it right first, wins that round. And for this particular All Play round (which I think was the first for that night), teams had to draw STOMACH ACHE (it's a little blurry in the picture, but it's printed in the red box, below the green).
Below is what Jason Tong drew:

DRACULA!!! It turns out he looked at the pink box instead of the red. The pink one read 'COUNT'. So while everyone was drawing a stick figure with gastronomical pain, his team was guessing along the lines of a fanged thingy. We were all laughing and screaming like lunatics heheheh..

My skin is still bumpy and itchy from that red-spot outbreak I had; I'm wondering if it'll stay this way :/

Simon's family has graciously allowed me to drive Carr-men's Charade. I've been wanting to strip myself off immobility since the dawn of mankind and I really thank God for their willingness to let me. Thank you *sheepish grin and quick bow*.

I've also been blessed with things to do and places to go daily - it helps. Especially with the absence of the Internet at home :| Makes necessary communication a tad too difficult and invites... frowns and pouts. Thanks Mae and Si Ming, who ajak-ed me out :D

Oh yes, Padini is on sale everyoneeeee (which means Seed, Vincci, PDI, etc too!). So hurry and buy something.

Mmm, lazy to continue.

Ooo, Ah.

2006-09-21T01:57:00.000+08:00

I love designing, I doooo... I hope I never have to throw that bit away from me :/

Ooo chocolates.

Nacho Libre Is The Best

2006-09-10T21:59:00.000+08:00

Last Friday till Wednesday, Simon and I were in Penang:

Patriotism on a very beautiful day.

OooOo... My dad's ayam masak merah dish. Delicious! *heart*
[Picture taken by Simon]

Taking the Handsome Boy out for a walk.

A Sepia shot in me housey.

4 humans conjoined together in harmony. That's my sister and bf Kelvyn. We're at a gig.

Hoho! Good ol' buddies... Shu and Ee Laine, after watching Nacho Libre and having homemade lunch my dad cooked :D

Sunset at Batu Ferigghi and a beachboy balances on his toy boat.

Allo.

Going back home to Penang last week was a nice thing to do. Everytime I'm somewhere on that little island (especially while driving, it always has to be on the road somehow) I feel like the entire island's a holiday getaway, where people are as happy as their sun tanned skins and their stays as temporal as mine. It's a lot of eating, excited chatter with family and old friends, exchanging latest updates; presenting souvenirs and all. The reason why the island always has a holiday feel to me is probably because I only go home when I'm on one myself. And that's probably also why I tend to be dragging my feet when it's time to return to wherever (mostly back to Selangor, unless if it was returning back to Cyberjaya, the intelligent city of tumbleweeds... then I'd be holding on to my dad's legs for dear life and begging him to order the college term to start in 2 years) when my holiday's up on my happy island.

Everytime I go back I'm fed with nostalgic bits of growing up in Penang and being there my entire life, of what it'd be like if I were to have continued living there - doing things and going places where and how I've always been doing for forever. I love the strong sense of familiarity and knowing places/stretches of road on the island. When everything looks so deliberate, meant-to-be and set just like how it's always been for its dwellers and me. Everything looks like how it should look like (at least for the places where little change has happened); I have zero awkwardness on how the streetlights are arranged or how the roads bend and no curiosity about the sights I see along the roads I travel daily on... I just love how I don't feel like I'm still getting used to being there or that I still have to get used to it. I've been in KL for a little over 3 years, and I still feel like a visitor or a pimple on a nose. And now that I think about it, I'm pretty much like a visitor whenever I'm back in Penang too - where I'm just treading lightly in beach slippers and a summer outfit.

:/

Thinking that I'll be renewing years of life in KL and slowly adorning the title given by folks in Penang as the 'Penang girl who now prefers the more fast-paced city life of KL' makes me afraid of what it's like to trade that unmistakeable love I have for home for a feeling of fondness somewhat towards a place I'm still trying to settle into. It's not like I feel odd here, I just feel like I'm still a long way from being permanent resident.

And what more, the blessing of having my family and Snoopy (who is aging.. Oh God please let him live another 10 human years. I will be eternally grateful) all under one roof in that little ol' house of mine on the prairie. Island.

But it's allll gooood.

I am addicted to Nacho Libre... Simon and I.

PS-> We fell very sick (all kinds of fever plus all kinds of mucas and phlegm) halfway through Penang (sucked, but would've sucked even more if we hadn't watched Nacho Libre EVERY DAY, regardless of our health condition) and we're sorta recovering. Except I developed some sort of allergy towards a mystery something and since then I've got disgusting spots on my legs and some on me arms and face (sucks but thanks to Nacho, I still feel like I can love myself inspite of the spots).
Going to see a skin specialist tomorrow. They are also known as dermatologists or philantropists.

Nachoooooooooooooooo XoOXxOoXXoOx

Besides the Pictures

2006-08-27T23:35:00.000+08:00

I'm going to miss him terribly, like how all the cheesy similes and metaphors would put it.