1 0 0 0 w

I turned from your face,
have I lost my I AM?
I sat in the sea, right in the middle of its depths
so I would not hear you from the shore,
so that your hands could not draw me to dry land.
Did I lose you there?
I asked for help, but I did not run from wickedness and
violent storms so I could cry for saving grace,
but your constant light I snuffed with my shadow -
where was I when my Creator called?
Oh Lord, my God,
my love for you has grown distant,
I have grieved your heart again.
Do not leave just yet, this adulteress one is coming to shore
but only because I can still see you waiting there.
My God,
let this be as true and as everlasting as your wholeheartedness for me,
for You are worthy of my life and all things I hold close to my heart.
Let me lose them that I may find you and walk with you like in Eden, meet with you in Horeb.
I believe in You, my God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob,
the Father of my family, the keeper of peace and pure love itself,
Your grace is sufficient for me.

I am stepping on your feet and we are dancing like monkeys.
We are at that patch of grass and there are no responsible watchmen anywhere in sight so we have hours to kill and kind permission for our voices to echo all around.
You are singing a tune from the funniest movie and we laugh like we just heard it the first 5 times.
I am stepping on your feet again, aren't we lousy dancers.
I think the night will never end.

"Bubblegum, bubblegum..
bubblegum, bubblegum.. for me.
... asudhaisdhqweygqqwiehqwieqiwyegyg qwiuehqiwuehiqwueh qwiuehqwih... best for me. "

:)

Long way to go, but no frown. Only a sheepish smile :} I love you dearly.

...it means I don't want to sleep :(

It was storming today in KL like in a 20th Century Fox film of the end times. Freakishly at 5.30pm, it looked like it was well into the night as if 9pm, and I imagined if I were to be looking out from a hotel window by the beach somewhere in the region, I would've already started making evacuation plans in case of a potential tsunami. It was still raining very heavily 40 minutes later when I left the office, but I think I would've been stuck in the office for much much longer or gotten completely soaked like a dysfunc sponge if not for the ride I got to the Ampang Park LRT station. I thank God for the ride.

And then there was this patch of bright orange in the sky at about 7.25pm. This was sighted in PJ. It wasn't the entire sky that was lit up in that duck egg yolk color, but just a particular cut out section painted in between the usual purplish blue hues of a retiring day sky at dusk. Some of you might've seen it this evening, but driving up a slope towards the direction of a solid orange sky at dinnertime was quite intimidating for me (but it was cool also. These kinda things are always cool). Another out-of-the-ordinary thing for the day.

Hmmmmm... I must say it's not easy thinking about the money I will spend to go to church camp. It's... steep :( Even when I remind myself that it's once a year and it will be a good time. Kinda still goes back to the same emoticon.

The Kelana Jaya LRT car park has the biggest potholes ever in the face of this state. They are so very big that if not for the rows of cars parked next to them, I would've passed them off as mining pools or previous blasting sites. Ayeee. Okay so maybe not that huge, but they really are gigantic anyways - about 6 or 7 of them. They belong to the dodgy car park behind the proper one nearer to the exit, and they turn into makeshift ponds of brown water whenever it rains. I wonder what they look like from an aerial view. Heheh.. Can Google Earth them and check.

I'm wondering if there are ways around this wanting to cry business. But I think there's no way I could try missing Simon less and at the same time make myself feel "masculine" about it. It's true, I not man. So by inserting that word and dodging the rolling eyes of many, I've now given my feminine self the best legitimate excuse to eat more chocolates and talk to my cuddled, stuffed golden retriever friend because I am very much woman. And (mostly) because I happen to be a weak fly.

Saturday- full day at work tomorrow. It will be relaxing for me.

Stuff opened in my browser to share:

Something helpful that made me smile, think & recall yet again: One Life to Live by Tan Soo Inn.
I gawk and drool: Cuppacakes by Wondermilk.
Amazing videos of animals and other cool stuff: Discovery Videos on Discovery Channel (I like the Planet Earth tab link and... everything else also, hee).

I read about kuih koci, and it's actually called Passover Cake in English (or according to Wikipedia it is). Coolies. Just for fun facts:

Counting calories, kuih koci has 103kcal in one biji according to the Ministry, under the Rice & Rice-Flour Based Traditional Kuih category. This is considered Tinggi/High. Other sources has its calorie count as high as 180kcal. The 'loser' is kuih buah rotan. One piece only has 3 calories. But what on earth is a kuih buah rotan? It sounds like food from your rattan furniture to me :/ No wonder so few calories. Has anyone tried it before? In the same category, the trophy for Sangat Tinggi/Very High goes to...

LOR-MAI-FUN! (Glutinous rice with peanuts, and i think it comes with lap cheong?) One small bowl has 585 calories (the same amount as a Dinner Plate at Restoran Kolonel Sanders, which is also in the Sangat Tinggi category under Franchised Fast-Food. "Fast-food burgers" *hint* are in the Medium range).

Today was a very, very hot Sunday. I didn't mind the sunshine, but the burning heat was a little over the top. It made me think of drying fish to make ikan masin, ants frying on the curbs, body odor on strangers, migraines, rapture, secondary school sports practice, and why I love our country. But I have a headache now :|

I'm kinda thinking if I should go home to Penang during church camp weekend or not. It will be a short trip from mid-day Saturday till Tuesday. Should I?

I miss grocery shopping.

I'm at the office, but I can't concentrate (on work). I only leave at 3pm, 4 hours from now. I want to nap for 8 hours and wake up in another place with a new identity, dressed in nobody should care that much anyways, and ride on the back of a giant golden retriever in an endless spread of field.

Outside of my being unrealistic about napping, I picture that my heart is absorbing cups of lumpy, decomposing residue the color of all kinds of waste stirred together. Like the bottom of a two day old Chinese tea teapot or a bucket of garden compost. I need an internal colander.

When I was younger, I remember being very annoyed when I used to be told 'You must learn to..' whenever I didn't need to hear it. I burn the midnight oil and miss the schoolbus the next morning and I'm told 'That's why.. you must learn'. I forget to bring my wallet and am stranded somewhere and I'm told 'You must learn next time'. It got to me, why it couldn't be as simple as Don't stay up late or Be careful but had to so often be You must learn to remember next time. I questioned the rationality of that phrase with a 'You've got to be kidding me..' attitude and because I was deeply annoyed by it (and it showed), I was known to others as the kid who didn't like being told to learn.

As much as I hated being labeled that, I now am thinking about the truth found in that 'perception'. Through the years, I trace my slowness of truly learning from select crucial events, and applying what I've learnt the next time round. Maybe it's the application department I'm dyslexic in. But if that's the case, then it's like I haven't learnt and didn't learn to begin with? Repeating the same mistakes makes me tire of myself, and this isn't about missing the schoolbus, forgetting my wallet or breaking plates. Will I ever ever ever learn?

I want to eat kuih koci with lots of gula melaka. The sugar content in this kuih koci is one of the highest (or the highest) ranked among the Malay Kuih Muihs. I learnt this from the TV ad done by the Ministry of Health in the 90's, when they were campaigning 'Kurangkan Gula Dalam Makanan'. (Remember how one of the ads had a husband scooping out spoonfuls of sugar into his coffee but his wife puts her hand on his scooping hand and shakes her head? Then he stops, smiles and drinks his not-so-sweet coffee but nods his head to show he likes it anyways. Something like that?)

I got two parking tickets two days in a row, at two separate places *slumps onto floor and turns into boneless jellyfish. 'Boh lat' *. I was quite a regular at these two spots (next to the Kelana Jaya LRT and in the housing area of Taman Bahagia) but now I guess not anymore. It is depressing but I guess the salt is good. When there are no more allocated lots left for you to park where you need to park, you should not do so at illegitimate spaces but rather move on and try elsewhere. Like... your friend's house porch.


I want to take that nap. Hehe hoho. Work.