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I want to thank God for the weather these days, something we usually only complain about, whether the heat, air, humidity or rain. We now have blue skies filled with puffy white clouds and good rain daily that cools down the heat of day; the air is pleasant to the lungs. I'd take the heat over haze any day.

I love the feeling of satisfaction when our eyes capture a word or phrase we're looking for in a page full of assortments. The way the found word chimes in our heads as the most aesthetically pleasing thing in a forest of alphabets; how the brain says 'there you go' and our eyes rest on the word with much comfort. Although it all happens within a second it's a nice feeling of satisfaction. (You can try now by looking for the word 'wedgie' in this post heheh). But I hate it when the search takes forever - I am not a fan of 'where is itttt?' Pull out hair.

My sister is coming on the 17-19th November with a few girl friends from GBC. Can't wait.. I miss her company. I'm thankful I have a sibling. Although I don't get it when people say we look alike (we don'tttt.. not like it's a bad thing though we used to cringe at it, but we really don't lah. My mouth is a canyon compared to hers and I'm charcoal black next to her, which only means she's the better looking one), I like how we reflect each other, having grown up together in a Yeoh family home and how no one relates to me the way I do with her. She's like a 'portion' of my parents whom I have little restrictions being transparent with. Maybe I'm suppose to feel the same with my parents, but there are just some things I can't imagine telling my parents, e.g wrecking embarrassing moments, how someone pulled a massive wedgie in the lift, what a person did that was part obscene, part hilarious, etc. Being with her is wholesome.

I think I'll spend Christmas in Penang this year since I didn't last year. I miss home.

My dad bought me a new CPU :) It's black with a red border and an On button that emits neon blue light and the abbreviations AVF in the font of Sony's VAIO *square grin* I know it sounds jeng but it's actually niceee. My old CPU is back home in Penang.


Good to go.

Hello..just a quick one.

Happy Deepavalliii!!! Ohwohohh balik kampung..

I'm working at Cats Whiskers now in Damansara Perdana :) I started on Monday, working hours are 12pm-9pm daily and I work alternate Saturdays ('alternate'). I get a weekday off when I work on Saturdays, hehe.. Sundays are off. And I was off today (Friday) boohaha but working tomorrow though. Looking forward to it, whee.

I'm loving my job, hopefully it'll stay that way. I don't get bored too, maybe that's coz it's just the first week and also being oblivious and unexposed to any form of work politics = BES. I love the people I work with at DP (there are three of us at any one time, staff from other branches also come and go depending. I might also be moved around later on). I don't sit much for the 9 hours daily, mainly coz there are things to do although I can sit whenever I want to. If I had any complains so far, it would only be my aching body :/ No stamina lah. Must..go..for.. massage.

Massageee...

I'll stay with Cats Whiskers for however long/until God wants me to move. But gaahhh.. I got a call from Harper's Bazaar yesterday, and they're asking me to go for an interview to intern with them :( Pull out my hair. I'm thinking Why didn't you call me earlierrrr? A little stumped in the beginning at the ill timing, but I know God has better timing at things like these. Time to ask Him.

Parents are driving down on Sunday evening and staying in my room till Tuesday (I think). Of course not only confined in my room, they can wander heheheehe.. On a different note, my sister handed in her resignation letter to her company a few days back. She works at Pricewaterhouse Coopers in Penang as an auditor (and everyone says 'Oohhh that's whylah, no wonderrr') and chose to quit as she knows that God is calling her out into a setting where she can teach and be with kids. I respect her for braving the odds, being obedient to her calling, and seeking God even as she knows she's doing the right thing. I'm overjoyed that she gets a chunk of her life back.

Chunky peanut butter is the best.

I am missing Simon. A lot. Though we keep in frequent contact, it ironically reminds me of the distance between us. I need to hop on a plane, row a boat, anything :/ So many many more days to go :(

Fortifying,
love in its gentle radiance.
Its heat does no scorching
though melts and paves as it travels within us.
Warmth.

I remember when we used to talk in secret
and not tell anyone, especially ourselves, that we had lengthy discussions at 3.
So while each of us remained behind invisible walls
we made sure we talked every other time.

What we didn't want for ourselves, we paraded;
what we wanted for each other, we buried.

I thought I'd be undercover, see you go and take comfort in your distant news-
maybe once in four days or twice a month.
Nothing special, nothing much, just the constant feeling of what it would've been like
if we held hands, kissed goodbye and were tangled in strings attached.

All that I feared made its way for you,
all I hoped welcomed you in turn.

I'm waiting to hear from you and continue from where we left off hours ago,
our lengthy discussions in the middle of the night
like before we came around our towering walls.
Just that now I get to hold your hand, kiss you hello and buy more string.

What we wanted for ourselves, we now share;
what we buried before, we grow.

There is a Power beyond our power,
A hand that clasps our hand,
There is a strength beyond our strength,
A heart that understands.
There is a smile that warms our souls,
A calm, assuring peace.
And at the mercy seat of God
There's grace that cannot cease.
So in your weary, trying days
May it comfort you to know
The Father guards your life with love
And never leaves his own.
-Judith Gooding-

I was thinking about what it means to be broken. I'm still thinking about it and as much as I'd like to spell it out as emotional anguish, kneeling and incessant crying, I'm thinking of other things about it that might be more disturbing.

A few words shape brokenness for me - humbling, the laying down of, heartache, debris, rubble, the tearing down of, besides other words that describe the peeling and crumbling of pride or the human heart. And I'm thinking, surely everyone has been broken before - we all ache, we've had our share of despair. And I include myself in; yes I have been broken and many times at that too. I am an experienced brokee. Or am I?

I'm wondering if being broken surrounds the entirety of feeling like you've got nothing left to give, final straws, sadness and bruises. I'm wondering when people claim being broken = being hurt. Or when they mention that the extreme kind of hurt sums up to brokenness. Then there are some who echo that it's about surrendering yourself, the laying of desires; pain. I do have the same opinions and agree that those make the components of being broken, but surely there's more to it. Surely? More? To? It? Yes?

I'm also reminded of the word 'wounds' in close relation and the healing of these wounds and scabby scabs.

Healing. What heals? First word that pops into my head besides who heals, is the time factor. We all know that in time we heal. Or do we? Perhaps it helps us forget about that one time (or more) when we were broken. But perhaps time only overlaps with the progression of the days of our lives but does not heal the scabs, at least not to the point of supple skin. I'm thinking that time heals wounds, but leaves the scabs as they are. When we pick on them again one day should we feel like reminiscing, we find pinkish flesh or some puss sleeping snugly under the layer of hard maroon.

If being broken were to mean being severely hurt emotionally and to swim in a pool of sadness, I'm thinking that brokenness is my drowning in sadness, alone and in the middle of the ocean with no island or floating dead sea animal to cling on to. I'm thinking utter desperation to the point where reconciliation with the Truth, healing, contrition and liberty from ourselves all lead to the freedom of being loved by Christ and His grace.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.
Psalm 147:3

It's cool how the Bible says that Jesus heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds (no, I actually typed the verse again and didn't just copy and paste :/). If the word 'wounds' is a metaphor for unseen hurts and all things marred and tainted, it would mean He bandages our hurts, thus treating it. And while our white blood cells happily fight infection and eat up old cells, He renews our souls and hearts where all the pain generates from and where He should be kept in with the pain.

I think that may be key. Keeping Him in. I'm thinking about people who have been broken before and enveloping their hurts with the right things: tears, great friends, family, time; even humility, acceptance and confession. And also the initial laying down of self at His feet while they were writhing in pain or drowning in that ocean. I'm not denying the fact that we do need the aforesaid to cope, but what if we then envelope ourselves continually with the 'right' things and leave Him out while doing so? We could very well let time and its beautiful essence of ticking forward be something that has bright potential to rob us of our hurts little by little, until we feel much better and realize things for ourselves, which quite feels a lot like the lifting of our burdens and the healing of our brokenness. We do have the capacity to 'get over' stuff, even if it doesn't involve prayer.

I've no idea where I'm leading myself to here, I think I may be pointlessly going around in circles. BUTTT I'm thinking now as I'm circling around, that brokenness is when we hurt and He hurts with us - we choose for ourselves to let Him throw us the lifesaver. As much as it is about bereavements, it's also about the healing that already starts when we choose to keep Him in. Maybe sometimes we fancy telling ourselves that we have been broken and that we are broken people, but maybe we have yet to learn the severity of true brokenness that flies beyond emotional trauma and the rubble we become in the middle of it.

I think it involves the choice of being overtaken by Him. Sacrifice, even during the journey of healing and rediscovery.Letting ourselves go, whether we're angry while broken or thirsty while broken or desperate, and choosing to call out to Him as the one who does the bandaging.

And now I'm thinking of the fact that it has to take us to be broken to realize certain things, and how fast we sometimes forget those things we encountered back when we were still experiencing pain, how it used to matter much more then. Hmm. Why is it that if we are broken people, we forget His grace so easily? I guess we get comfortable too fast. Especially when we start figuring things out. It's a continuing process.


Ayeee.

"Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together."

tmNut sucks.

But lo and behold! A Maxis broadband leaflet arrives just when everyone is about done with Streamyx. I'm happy there's an alternative, whether or not we actually switch ISPs because now we can threaten boohaha. So nicelah, I like.

I haven't blogged for long. Feels weird to type in here.

One of the sources of wind and air circulation in my room is positioned behind me now (not fart). It's a table fan and it's blowing at the back of my head causing my hair to fly in front of my head, over my forehead, all over my eyes and into my ears. Like Medusa Oblongata. Not sure if you guys smell smoke where you live, but in SS2, it's smokier than usual and having two portable fans (where one is blowing hair all over your face and the other needs you to go 2 inches in front of it to convince you that it is indeed blowing air), doesn't really help in the fresh air circulation department. Be grateful you have a ceiling fan if you do and that thing called the a/c :(

Tuesday night - Dolly, Joshua and Janelle's LF got together at the clubhouse at Janelle's to eat mooncakes, play Pictionary and hit people with a giant inflatable hammer. We were supposed to walk around with lanterns (Tanglung Festival yayyy) but then after eating mooncakes, we got lazy. So we just hung the lanterns onto a nearby unsuspecting tree and used the long plastic sticks that we were supposed to hang our lanterns with to hit people instead.


We were playing Pictionary and someone picked an All Play card, meaning all teams draw the same thing and the team that guesses it right first, wins that round. And for this particular All Play round (which I think was the first for that night), teams had to draw STOMACH ACHE (it's a little blurry in the picture, but it's printed in the red box, below the green).
Below is what Jason Tong drew:

DRACULA!!! It turns out he looked at the pink box instead of the red. The pink one read 'COUNT'. So while everyone was drawing a stick figure with gastronomical pain, his team was guessing along the lines of a fanged thingy. We were all laughing and screaming like lunatics heheheh..

My skin is still bumpy and itchy from that red-spot outbreak I had; I'm wondering if it'll stay this way :/

Simon's family has graciously allowed me to drive Carr-men's Charade. I've been wanting to strip myself off immobility since the dawn of mankind and I really thank God for their willingness to let me. Thank you *sheepish grin and quick bow*.

I've also been blessed with things to do and places to go daily - it helps. Especially with the absence of the Internet at home :| Makes necessary communication a tad too difficult and invites... frowns and pouts. Thanks Mae and Si Ming, who ajak-ed me out :D

Oh yes, Padini is on sale everyoneeeee (which means Seed, Vincci, PDI, etc too!). So hurry and buy something.


Mmm, lazy to continue.